he only lasted three minutes, so to spite him i stayed the night and slept in.
If my vagina had boots, it would be shaking in them.
We basically counted to 3 and then dumped each other.
I want to dip my vagina in sugar. Not only will it be sweet, but it will have a nice sparkle.
You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck
People were autographing me. I'm like the spring break yearbook
Just saw a homeless man taking a shower in someone's sprinkler system....
I'm sorry i ruined our friendship with a boner
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
I really shouldn't be this use to hearing "YOURE THAT GIRL?!?!"
I need to mount that unicorn and turn him into a full blown steed.
You made noises. And kept meowing. I have a twenty minute phone call to prove it.
you blew the guy with all the harry potter paraphanelia didn't you
he asked me why I let you steal the gnome, and you jumped out of the bathroom, yelled "you know why!" and ran outside with said gnome
They are in the bedroom next door. We might have a threesome idk. Jesus take the wheel.
GO. DO.
I am Jesus and I am taking the wheel.
Randomize
