I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
It was like what a highfive between zeus and Jesus would sound like
What. The. Fuck. No, you will not spank me.
That wasn't intended for you, my bad.
It was one of those "I have no idea if this will ever happen again so I can't say no" opprotunities. Part of me was like, "You slut" and the bigger part was screaming, "Hell yeah"
Do you think if I puke at the gym they think is because I'm going hard walking on the treadmill?
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
ALso, saw an adorable man walking an adorable dog with his adorable kid.
And yes, that last sentence is biased because my ovaries started screaming
This tiny Canadian guy just tipped me $20, a piece of gum, and a joint. I wasn't working. He literally tipped me for talking to him.
You fell out of the chair and then lifted your foot saying, "If my foot could give you the middle finger it would."
The fact that it neither of us came up with the reason of "it's morally and ethically wrong" speaks volumes about this relationship
Sloppy and selfish. Your 27 and you don't know where my clit is? BYEEE
I was so high I didn't realize I'd put on someone else's bra. I thought my boobs had shrunk.
That moment during finals day when you either convince your teacher to let you out of the room or you shit you pants.
Because my vagina is Ellis Island. All foreign penises must be presented for inspection and competency. God bless America.
Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
Randomize
