I walked up to her and said hello and wanted to ask her if she had fun last night... she asked me if we had met before.
Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
Ran into that hot funeral director in the bar two days after the wake. pretty sure we drunk made out.
Grandpa would have been proud
forced to watch US open for father's day. only perk is discovering dustin johnson...reeeeally hoping that this golf sex addiction thing is contagious
He went all Bachlorette on me.. "I just want to guard and protect your heart" bullshit
please tell me why my pillow is wearing your thong...
...i wondered where i left that...
thank you whoever used my nalgene as a flask. pregamin in chem
There's a black statue of liberty dancing on the side of the road. Please hold while I join him.
She told me a motorboat isn't successful unless they come out gasping for air. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED!!!
There is a 5-year old here fighting 'drunk monkeys'. He tried to knock a drink out of my hand with a plastic light saber...
It's a drunk scavenger hunt.
Everything on the list counts for double points if done naked.
I can't help that I bring out the sex in people
I fucked her ex bc she fucked mine but now we're cool and I'm watching her dog this weekend
I had to google some of the kinky sex shit she was telling me she was into.
If that is not a reason to propose to her then I don't know what is
woke up with a tree in my apartment. also the everclear bottle is suspiciously low
suspiciously? i think one of those explains the other
Randomize
