pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
I just realized this is gonna be the last time that I'm high in my childhood home. I'm kinda sad. I'm really high..
all i remember is screaming butter knifes are for pussies.
come over i need a lifeguard for my shower
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
Look dude I'm sorry I used your bong to snorkel in my bathtub last night
she was in the bathroom washing her eye makeup off with hand sanitizer.
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
He went down on me while I had rollers in my hair. I've never felt more like a lady.
We could all 3 jump out of a cake in just tophats. A true marble cake.
I asked her why she was drunkenly masturbating to Iron Man and all she replied was "Robert Downey Jr". As far as excuses go, that seemed pretty legit.
My fridge door just caught on fire somehow.
thanks for not wanting to stay all night or talk or anything, nice to have a fuck buddy who really doesnt take the buddy part serious
I'm all about the fuck
I just racked up a fucking ginormous hospital bill because I came so hard I had an asthma attack
I never thought I'd be complaining about having sex 4 times a day, but here we are...
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