I was so high I couldn't tell if they were goosebumps or herpes.
Helping high family members not look retarded is what family is for
im covered in puffy paint and glitter i cant find kevin and im wearing shoes that dont belong to me....come get me please
how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
How many times can you lose to your mom in beer pong before you can no longer show your face around campus?
a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
I tried to tell him I love him but it came out something like "We're both fucked up and it works."
This girl caught me staring at the cat but stroking the computer because it was closer, which is why I hate blunts.
crossing my fingers that hitting golf balls off my pourch was a dream and not something that actaculy happened
The most humiliating part was that I farted while he was tasing me.
So hungover. Have a black eye from where I tried to brush my teeth and stabbed myself in the eye instead. Should make the performance review I was stress drinking about go so much better.
The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
I found pix on her phone of me passed out and her sticking things up my ass. Its over.
Before you jump in that vagina remember there's a reason we call her Infectonator.
I AM BEING ACCOSTED BY A HUMMING BIRD
I AM IN MILD DISTRESS
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