She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
I woke up this morning and the first thing i saw was the harry potter tattoo on his left butt cheek.
good thing vaginas are great cup holders
you kept typing in answers.com, why are the state police calling my house, expecting an answer
tell that swedish kid i didnt take his shotgun. he GAVE it to me.
do you think its obvious that we spent all afternoon playing naked body oil twister?
not saying it was a bad idea to throw an impromptu party but someone stole the microwave
I may have to marry her. She is smarter than me and has a six figure job and doesn't want to have kids. All I have to be is a trophy husband.
I told her my cab was outside the club and that I had to go, but I think we both knew this wasn't going anywhere past the sloppy bathroom handjob.
I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
I feel like a pile of chihuahua shit that got eaten by a Great Dane who puked it up and then set it on fire.
My idiot ex texted me on Valentine's day to tell me I was right, he did need a therapist.
I just matched with a taco on tinder. Dreams come true.
Shut up. The only friend I need in life is Jim Beam because life is meaningless.
I told him I wanted to get on him and ride him to Montana. It didnt end like i thought it would.
Randomize
