Is there a reason "Call me when you're legal" is written on my arm? I'm 22..
Good luck man
I dont need it. Shes easy.
is it bad that the economy has gotten so bad that finding cheap gas gives me the same excitement and joy as finding a hot, blonde haired, blue eyed, tall, athletic single straight guy?
i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
no seriously he was fingering me like he was really really frantically looking for a song on his iPod.
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
I've just stalked all the hot guys who have clicked "attending". I now know which guys are "yes", "maybe" and "no". I only hope my drunk self remembers.
May or may not have just lost a contact hanging out Anthony's sunroof. Drunk. Hint: I can only see out of one eye right now.
Just had a talk about safe sex with my mom. Not about protection. About the very real possibility of a "penile fracture". Gotta love having a nurse for a mother.
Sometimes while peeing I'll go hands free, put my arms up by my chest and make claw hands, and pretend I'm a new type of dinosaur called Dickosaurus Rex.
Back. Waiting on Thong the shuttle bus driver. THONG
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
Looks like I'm not in the Ashly Madison files. But my wife is.
If Dr Phil has taught me anything about myself, it’s that I can seriously relate to those women who fake their pregnancies.
Randomize
