I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
Hey, just wanted to let you know that University Police stopped by and repossessed the stolen laundry basket. And the 8 bottles of detergent.
We just had father kitten bonding time .. I was on the toilet , he was climbing the animal print shower curtain . It was magical
What I'm trying to say is, that time you chained me to my dresser and made me beg for it was incredibly romantic.
The trainer from the tech college told me that I would pass the first aid course so long as I turned up sober. Challenge accepted
THIS IS NO TIME FOR SHAME JOSH. JUST GOTTA GET IT IN. PURELY FOR LEVELING UP PURPOSES
We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.
Everything was going well until he very loudly said that he wanted to cum on my fingernails.
He finger blasted me like an angel dude
I remember turning to Jon after doing a line of coke and saying "I was a Girl Scout"
Goat in kitchen.....explanation?....
Randomize
