I had to remind him that there is no "age exchange rate" between the u.s. and spain, and that 16 will always equal 16
Do you think unemployment will give me a christmas bonus?
85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
I have hooked up with someone in EVERYONE OF MY CLASSES.
That's how you know you deserve to be a senior
had to go back to that apartment this morning to get my other boot. it was tacked to the wall
Can u please come get me. My car keys are gone. Somehow I ended up sleeping in my trunk
You emptied out your taco and asked the lady for a refill...and then you continued to carry out a full conversation SCREAMING
Apparently it is impossible to get kicked out of taco bell....I'll try harder next time
you texted me "dude im face"
it sounded so right at the time
I ate all his french fries. He was no longer useful to me.
Ya know what's been the best part of this College Football Season? Not having to hear Brent Musberger say the Honey Badger 77 fucking times.
I almost died today via plastic wrap. I AM THE REASON THEY PUT WARNING LABELS ON THINGS.
WAKE THE EFF UP THE UBER DRIVER IS TRYING TO TAKE ME HOME
I think you might be the first man ever to describe getting a blowjob as "neat"
This is why you arnt allowed in pet stores
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
Randomize
