I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
Wtf. Who made this Big Mac, Helen Keller?
Apparently getting drunk, buying a guitar from your local costco and walking in to an open mic night is not the same as rocking out to guitar hero...
cutting back on calories before spring break by only taking shots instead of drinking actual drinks.
the diet of an alcoholic...
Found out my brother is now my eskimo brother...One of my proudest times as a brother
Haha so I huess that means he's a little over 7. I can use my throat as a ruler!!
One less school supply you need to buy!!
the only human I can compare her to is rosie o'donnell.
This girl brought half a watermelon to class. I want to be on her level.
the orgasm was like being thrown to the other end of reality, so getting a nosebleed from it wasnt too upsetting at that point
She said I walked up to the McDonalds counter and ordered just a cup full of pickles then proceeded to offer some to everyone in the place.
I think the multiple Sunday morning sirens outside my window are a plot by the cops to get back at me for the shit we pulled last night. Or I should move to a better area.
I am alternating between eating dry cheerios and mint chocolate chip ice cream with a fork. Please love me because no one else will
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
Maybe he injected his testicle?
Randomize
