so I was thinking like, Rob Pattinson could make so much money whoring himself out dressed as Edward Cullen.
yeah, I mean if he's down to fuck a lot of fat chicks and stare at Tiger Beat posters of himself above the bed...
according to the woman who took my blood today, i have "party veins"
Why does he only make me orgasm when I'm about to break up with him?
Sorry for screaming that you were an apple in spanish at the bar last night, that was the wine talking
My new hangover cure is going for a haircut, just so the stylists give me a scalp massage during the shampoo.
That certainly explains the nine times your hair has looked different just this last month alone.
She kept throwing quarters at him and yelling "Goooaaallll!!" whilst taking her clothes off one by one. I'd say she had a good night
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
how the hell were we supposed to out run the cops in a bus?
Did I fall on/off the boat yesterday? Cuz my right leg looks and feels like if it got hit by shrapnel.
i really need to shower, but i don't want to take off my bra and lose my cleavage. the struggle
ok, i suppose pissing your pants could be considered a wardrobe malfunction.
I know, it's just the worst. Also, security almost took the burrito I brought for lunch. I thought I was going to have to pull a Liz Lemon and eat the whole thing before I could go through.
I've got to stop fucking tourists. If Chicagos piazza is anything like their dicks. I'm moving.
You kept asking us from the backseat if you were driving ok and then you kept talking to your hiccups and yelling at them to "stop it already!"
i'm in a very strange mood rn i'm listening to bruno mars??? am i ok????
Randomize
