I don't do stupid things anymore. I do stupid people.
Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
And as far as being fat goes I just did like 20 minutes of p90x and now i'm eating frosting out of the container....
Just drive me around campus, I will be able to smell their innocence.
New favorite drinking game: bobbing for jello shots. Where did these freshmen come from and when can we go there?
Looks like breakfast in bed is out the window. She can't get up because I "fucked her into paralysis." My stomach is not happy with my dick right now
Why am I always the sober one?
Cause you're the only one with any sort of self control. It's kinda your super power...
you peed off the balcony at your sisters and asked someone below to catch it with a cup
I can't get over how you look like his sister and he wants to fuck you.
I just set a reminder on my phone to get star spangled hammered this weekend.
Whiskey chased with ice cubes? Here's a big FUCK THAT to that
with the possibility that i could very easily fall in love with him and i've actually talked to my HUSBAND about it
I just ate a handful of salt
I thought this was a good idea
It figures that the only time one of my videos on Snapchat gets replayed is a video of my Hedonism Bot impression and NOT my nudes
Where do you think black out memories go?
Into the dark abysmal abyss of the deepest, darkest part of your mind. It's obviously the bodies natural defense to protect you from witnessing the shit you do while actually blacked out.
Randomize
