I have no memory of puking on someone. Was he cute?
It just feels wrong masturbating with my neighbor's cat in my apartment
She called me her ex's name in a supermarket. How boring am I that she livens up shopping by thinking of another guy?
he said verbatim, he wants to "bang you hard".
Do what? I was just saying that at some point there's a chance I'll have a boner. Think of it like a guessing game. "Does he have one now?"
Every part of me is in agreement...but mostly my vagina
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
I just dumped bong water and Bacardi out of my purse into the trash can. Everything in my purse is soaked. I hate Sundays.
They're frat boys at heart and have sickly, dusty, rotting souls.
Let me be the vehicle for you to live out your slutty half-gay dreams.
The first thing you did was give us a tour of the house and showed us who was "on-limits" and "off-limits"
Atleast we had sex on the couch before your ex took it from you
Just imagine a dick squawking like a parrot
THIS IS WHAT CELL PHONES ARE FOR! So you can tell me that you're bringing your coworker who lives in the "Halleleuia community" home for a beer SO I'M NOT DRESSED IN LEATHER LINGERIE WHEN HE WALKS IN THE FUCKING DOOR!!
I have a mild substance abuse problem, but I'm still a functioning member of society. America.
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