Ok so my english teacher told me i could have 5 absences bc of my "problem". I have no idea what she is talking about
he used the word "rubber" i just couldn't do it after that.
a fat lady just tried to bring a cooler stuffed full with burger kid through airport security. christ I'm going to miss the midwest.
your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
i really should have bought real food rather than condoms, olives, coleslaw and beer...
I was trying not to text you this weekend, so I deleted your number when I was sober. Then auto restore at midnight. It was like drunk magic
I gave him head and we watched Fashion Police. somehow it wasn't awkard.
Just did lines off your face, congrats on getting in the magazine bro
I swear to god little potato creatures live inside Belvedere bottles and claw at your throat as you swallow shots.
I'm a bit offended I got no nudies back but it's whatever
They're in the mail. Snapchats too fast. I want the suspense.
I feel horrible. I brought her to your house like a late night pizza delivery and dropped her off.
Pretty sure I was naked for most of the night.....success
Well, I just puked in the shower in case anyone wants an update on how my day is going
"Why is there a bottle of Tequila taped to the fan?"
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
Randomize
