I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
Upon hearing of his newfound access to every orifice... even ones he just made up... the Grinch's penis grew three sizes that day.
why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
I wish life was like the Sims. Right when you're pregnant the music would play and I would just know instead of agonizing for the next two weeks.
the only thing keeping me going right now is the knowledge that in 2 hours i'll be drunk at the circus.
And then she apologized after the blow job for being too sick to deep throat. I'm in love..
who has not yet felt my sugrcially enhanced boobs. HurryI am at the bnar and it is 1:15 am
Just stop talking to douche bags. How do you manage to attract every asshole within a 100 mile radius?
If i could answer that i wouldn't be so afraid to move to a more populated area
Bad news? she threw her drink in his face, left her phone at the club, and disappeared. I found her laying in bed with the bottle she stole from our VIP service. Good news is she's asleep and I have the bottle, come home
We played alot of beer pong and ventured into the woods with tiki torches
I'm slightly more gay than I thought. I'd go so far as to say I'm a top.
WHY AM I CRAWLING IN OLDER MEN HOLY JESUS
fell down stairs ended up in underground bar now im dancing with trannies and best night of my life. lines of coke
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
So this morning everyone commended me for puking over the porch. No one else made it that far...
Randomize
