The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
New plan: we get a little bit drunk and go to 24 hour fitness and be eachothers wing people so we can hit on in shape hot people at a gym instead of drunk idiots at a bar.
it's to the point where working 2 jobs this summer will absolutely not cover how much i will spend on alcohol next semester.
It would be been irresponsible not to make cleaning the apartment into a drinking game
I keep telling girls I work at the carnival and then guessing their weights. I'm pretty sure I'm about to get kicked out.
I think you have the right to know, the water bottle you drank out of the other night is the bottle we use to catch what drips from the toilet. Love you!
Oh my god I peed in a park last night and then tried to set off fireworks with a group of middle-aged men
sounds like it. if it makes you feel better i blew up a $75000 farm tractor last night.
We could make it cute. Like "oh those two cute lesbians who are about five foot two who sell the cocaine down the street. You know the ones? With the Yorkies?"
I think I reached some stage of aging, have a sore/injured shoulder from sex, next up carpal tunnel from sexting.
Hey mom, soo do we have a family lawyer or am I on my own for that?
Did I put a bunch of spaghetti on you and then eat it off?!?
That you did
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
Over Bumbled last night. I think I set my dog up on a date Sunday afternoon. I have to drive him, meet the other dog’s dad and secretly drink a bottle of champagne from a “water bottle”. This is not what I expected 30 to be like.
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