and before you know it i was laying next to him at 2 in the morning with penis and sadness on my breath.
I realize now. I should have just made out with everyone and anyone when I had the chance.
Another night, another sound of my neighbor almost having an orgasm.
And she used to have such long ones. Sad.
My doctor literally wrote on the script NO SEX
My vagina is depressed thinking about her future.
Im sleeping in your bed. Sorry for the sand and the noise and the loud people. Im starving
Your blankets are not drunk friendly
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
I found him in bed on a pullout couch with another dude. He had two empty puke buckets and his empty bottle of jagermeister right by his head.
Is the party worth it?
I am drink. Beer pony and singing.
So when this rash is gone wanna hang out?
It's like if you wanna bond just do a ropes course or have group sex you don't have to be weird about it
Okay well for one he didn't speak any english but before any happened he made me use the translator to consent
Guy just walked in with a 40 and a Honda steering wheel. Where the fuck am I?
I would like to make it known to all of you that my penis is official retired, but it thanks you for the countless years of service you provided
to be fair i didnt know she wanted to sleep with me
WHY THE FUCK ELSE WOULD SHE DRAG A STRAIGT MAN INTO A VICTORIA'S SECRET CHANGEROOM GODDAMMIT
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