At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she can't stop having the shits.
She is my favorite of all the girls you have fucked. Other than me.
You told me you were pretty sure you were god because you knew everything about everyone.
The sex was so good, I called my ex during the 2nd time just so he could hear. Is that mean?
I think thats the most anyones ever pregamed for rollerskating
she moaned out jack bauer's name while i was banging her...
Climbing onto the roof in a dress and high heeled boots was probably not the best idea, especially after all that Bacardi.
Dude, she found the red hair dye from 4th of July. then she proceeded to give you a red mohawk for a more patriotic thanksgiving eve. How do you not remember that?
Your subconscious sucks. Mine is awesome. I have a recurring dream where I manage a chocolate factory run by big titted hookers.
A) you're a liar. B) that would be awesome.
These days, you and me are swimming in dicks.
Marco
Polo
if you didn' use the plastic sword on the cop. maybe this wouldn't have happened.
You don't know scared until you've just begun the first stage of an acid trip till a guy on stilts with a creepy mustache and beard says "enter the Forrest"
I asked him to explain what he meant by "hooking up" in paragraph form
Theres a handprint of sauce on my fridge, one on my face, and a trail of it leading to my bedroom, and sauce all in my bed, and I have no idea what the fuck i ate.
Randomize
