i'm forgoing the post-coitus cuddling sesh to ask u this :when he says he loves me and all i can think to say is either "cool" or "i love boning you," what do i do?
I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
She’s leaving for college so I made her a gift basket with all the essentials. You know- Ramen, a 12 pack of PBR, some leftover Plan B pills and a laminated business card for a good lawyer. Damn I’m a good big sister.
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
Im in Ft Meyers right now looking right at an alligator. I have had a couple of beers and people are telling me not to feed him but Im gonna do it anyway.
I thought the cops would know I was on shrooms because I was 10ft tall.
You know you're at a low point when you're sucking vodka out if your hair.
WHAT DID YOU SAW VERBATIM. VERBATIM IS SOBER FOR WORD FOR WORD
Omg yes! I just found a random muffin! Don't question it. Just praise the miracle.
I think i got my first booty call. it was like she came to my house. sex. leave.
Congratulations. Welcome to the wonderful world of quick dirty secret sexy time.
thanks... i think. haha
Don’t fucking talk to that dude from monday!! Ethical consumption dude, don’t fuck shitty guys
Woke up with a girls naked next to me I had her thong on somehow.
Is it weird that my mother is taking body shots off my gf after meeting once?
Look, if it comes down to it, I’m spraying whipped cream on your nuts
Long story short wrist restraints, Apple Watch and cumming all don’t mix
Randomize