I think scott just propositioned me for sex
So you coming over for some grilled cheese and head?
you tried to scramble eggs in my dryer last night. i want you here in 15 minutes to clean this shit up
HAH. HARRY POTTER CASUAL CONVO HAS BEEN EXTENDED TO DISCUSSING WEATHER. SO PRO
there's a wings menu taped to my wall. don't tell me i don't have my priorities straight.
Hungover snowboarding. Puked off the lift and traumatized a group lesson for kids. Crash course on adulthood.
I just took a shower and I feel like 20 pounds of sex just came off of me.
When u wake up, don't be alarmed by the passed out mariachi band, they're cool. Muchos gracias
A nice make out session never hurt anyone. Plus he's a pilot, so he'll know the safety procedures for when the night crashes and burns.
he ate me out like 4 times and told me that my vagina "was too much fun".
Yeah everyone's alive and well besides the still terrifying threat of Ted's conception of a human being
The majority of the reason I want to get my pilot's license is so I can use the argument "FUCK YOU! I'M A PILOT!"
Had to snap chat three different people to ask who left the bite mark on my thigh. All three said "Wasn't me". Now I can't wear a bathing suit to my mom's pool.
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
I apparently asked the cab driver to show us his dick and then he showed me a picture of his girlfriend
Randomize
