We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
Coming down off exstacy at a church event. Resisting the urge to dance to the church hymns.
Friend I haven't seen in almost a year just IMed me to let me know that my mom stuck her boob out the window on the freeway at her.
Her mom responded by mooning my mother. I really don't know what's worse.
He got about halfway through singing "Drift Away" before he passed out and broke my coffee table.
he called me from germany to tell me about all the gummy bears he bought...i'm doubting his sobriety
if you ever get a chance to, fuck in a lecture hall. great acoustics. highly recommend it.
And don't try to lose a condom in me tonight. My vagina is not a storage compartment where you can just leave something and try and use it again later in the week.
Just watched my entire extended family eat salad out of the bowl i threw up in last night.
I'M CUDDLING WITH MY CAT AND THAT GUY SENT ME A DICK PIC. UNANNOUNCED DICK PICS ARE TERRIFYING AND MY CAT WILL NEVER BE THE SAME
we need to make pact to not cut each other's hair on coke and whiskey nights.
While I agree, I dont think thats realistically possible
I don't give a shit if you judge. This isn't about you or anyone else. This is about me and my chicken tenders.
On my way to return shoes I bought so that I can afford to buy a pregnancy test. Is this adulthood?
But he said I was unpatriotic for not having sex with him. What was I suppose to say to that?
I gave him a hand job in the parking lot... now he thinks we're meant for each other...
I was stuffing my face while buying a brownie and coffee and some kid I fucked came up behind me and said. Someone's hungry.
Randomize
