Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
Can't show you right now as we are in public and he refuses to let me photograph his penis in a bar.
Ok. So I've woke up in a hospital. New thing to top that.... Waking up and realizing you've been locked inside the bar by urself at 430 am and all the doors are locked by key
just go where the car takes you. fingers crossed its here with breakfast.
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
Another memory: We offered for a stranger to live in our house under the condition that he took the garbage out because it's a 'blue' job.
We are the best.
Ps. We need to take the garbage out.
Came so hard when I was riding him that I actually bit some of his chest hair off. He said I was the first girl ever to do THAT.
Pretty sure I just puked up sand. And nothing else.
He just showed up. He's like 5'8 and brought a beer pong table that has " I love gay boys" on it. How could this go wrong
Up until today, I never would have thought I'd have to tell someone not to color on the cat
I think you're literally the first guy to ever pick up a chick from pinterest.
I just put poptarts in the toaster with the wrapper on, that's how hungover I am.
How far are you from my house? Do I have time to masturbate before you get here?
You think the guy at the speed wash knows he needs to scrub the vomit off the side of my car?
He knew.
I like how I can go from sucking dick in the my basement to singing along to veggie tales with my family in a span of 10 minutes.
Randomize
