that speech was about as successful as her performance in twilight
i just ate that cheese stick that was in my purse from last night.
i was so high i thought his mole came off and was flying around
I am going to be the most sexually active ladybug that he has ever seen
You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
I can do anything tonight that doesnt involve an erection.
The lawn was on fire, but I fixed it.
She handed me a mouthguard and said "here, you're going to need this" that rough.
You were yelling at the cops across the street saying they were at the wrong party
we received free cupcakes at the first bar, and then I at the second bar i hooked up with a fat chick from Cincinnati on the patio.
you win some, you lose some.
That tingly feeling you're experiencing in your lady parts is my mustache. All the ladies of America are waking up feeling the same thing. You're welcome.
My greatest accomplishment today was eating a box of Thai food the size of a toddler.
Yeah you'd pretty much be ruined if you broke up with a guy like that and then had to return to the dating pool
I don't care if he's the coolest coworker, if he's living in his mom's basement at 30 you should not buy drugs from him
She wanted to get out of there before you guys woke up so she wouldn't let me find my underwear. Lol So I apologize to whoever finds that in your room.
Randomize
