I'm sorry, but there's just something about mesh over nipples that irks me.
I gave them both handjobs at the same time. Felt like I was skiing
i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
Hairspray is covering 85% of my body. Help.
Wait until you see the roof.
At least it earned you a couple drinks. And something tells me you've touched grosser things with less incentive.
we fucked the fort apart but we'll rebuild it after we get some drinks.
I was walking around outside with a basket of eggs. I feel like little house on the prairie: hungover edition.
She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
You just seemed really offended whenever my cup was empty.
drunk her ninja stole one of the pizzas as it arrived and hid all of the pieces in a cereal box in the fridge.Genius.
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
You should come by for the fire station blow job tour
You should know two things about me,,,1) I am highly sexual and 2) I am HIGHLY competitive so you telling me about how much sex you had with the other girl makes me say "challenge accepted"... you should hydrate.
Turns out the guy I did all that coke with the other night is a cop
We're dating now
Aww well I’m kinda unsober so probably best
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