Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
I think im going to throw up on grandma
That's what you get for fucking someone nicknamed "wiggle worm"
We literaly had to peel your fingers off the jose cuervo bottle and lock it in someones room
I've never known a guy to fuck more random girls in the ass then Dom. His rectal kill ratio is at like 85%
He's like the Derek Jeter of Anal
We are there now. They have a giant cock and balls with an eagles face and wings.
My class coordinator for bio told us that the only thing we should do the night before an exam is to get laid. And then party down after the exam. I like him.
We don't have any ice, so I'm using the frozen cognac to reduce the swelling on Abby's toe.
I specialize in how to hang out and party with randoms after you've hooked up with them. Not in feelings.
There's someone howling in the parking lot. Haha.
I totally intended to come to the hotel, but I woke up in a parking lot
The struggle is real.
they set my background as his mugshot to remind me "having a big penis won't be a valid excuse in a court room."
My gynecologist just said "don't worry, this won't be as hard as…well…" A FUCKING SEX JOKE NO
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole
Not sure what you smoked, but you put raw bacon on the lazy Susan and spent 45 minutes looking at it and mumbling Meat Spin
Randomize
