you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
I accidentally asked my mom for a blowjob because 'mom' and 'molly' are next to each other in my address book.
There's an australian, my relationship has no hope.
Ya I guess if we compared our actions now with our actions 2 years ago. We are definitely in a constant state of shit showness.
In times of desperation, never...NEVER put green apple scented hand sanitizer on your vagina.
My gut is currently telling me that Jesus did not intend for us to eat shrimp pad thai on Easter
Is this a considering it or regretting it text?
I just shit out what feels like an entire shrimp with claws and all. You tell me.
I watched Morgan Freeman explain the existence of nothing, now I'm afraid of sub - atomic particles. these egg rolls are outstanding
I traded my pants for a Santa hat last night and it was so worth it.
For new year's, we should just keep our resolution simple and keep accomplishing burpees in heels.... while drunk.
Would it be totally wrong, that in honor of princess leias death, I role played as her??
I can't believe we broke the fucking lamp.
*i* can't believe believe we broke the lamp fucking.
I just sent him a message bearing my soul about how much he means to me as a friend and his first response is "are you drunk?"
Shit like this is why I'm a bitch to everyone.
I woke up and found my apartment really clean, appearantly drunk me couldn't tolerate living there anymore and left sober me a lot of insulting post-its...
So. Um. Hypothetically speaking...how would one get a squirrel out of the house?
Yea and there’s destruction when we’re together, mostly of our livers but W/e
Randomize
