I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
That's why you don't touch shit after fingering somebone
Girls night always turns into let's seperate and get laid night.
We don't have a ruler. Come downstairs and lay in the snow with a boner so we can see how much snow we've gotten. Put your 8 inches to a less shameful use.
Not many best friends can say they've all made out with a homeless guy
She poured a bottle of rum in the champagne fountain, did like 5 jello shots at the same time, then lit herself on fire. Twice. This is how everyone should turn 21.
I guess he was telling a totally normal story about being a lifeguard and I wouldn't stop screaming "THAT'S LUDICROUS" at random intervals.
Of course I lose my iPhone but still manage to hold on to the ruler for my dirty teacher costume
I was talking about you wanting my dick, but that works too
I CRIED after phone sex. Am I gay?
The party invite said "this ain't no lame stoplight party, you come to hookup or you don't come" I feel like their honesty deserves out attendance
Not to mention having our pick at the ensuing sausagefest
all i've had to eat today is leftover bday cake and a shot of tequila.
welcome to college.
I might volunteer to give breath samples on the 17th where I would be required to get drunk and then give samples! THE POLICE WOULD PAY ME AND PROVIDE THE ALCOHOL!
Saw your dad at the bar last night... And again this morning when he left. Told you not to mess with me bitch.
Lunch date was a success. And you'll be proud- my legs stayed closed.
Randomize
