You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
You must have had one hell of a time explaining to that girl why aladin soundtrack was playing on repeat in your room when you got back
girls just need to accept the fact that i'm going to make out with their boyfriends
just threw all of the fireworks into the bonfire. thats why there are firetrucks.
The stripper just invited me to take shots with him out at his car after he gets off stage.. I mean why not? I've already seen everything he's got and it'll be easy to get him naked.
We were suposed to have a 3some in their bathroom but it just turned into us 2 making out while he watched like a little kid on christmas morning
There is a special place in Hell for whichever one of you put Ben Gay on my dildo. It was a very uncomfortable April 1.
My mom legitimately hired a private eye on me. DO YOU KNOW HOW EXCITING MY LIFE JUST GOT???
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
I don't know about this Sanders guy after all. I'm voting for MYSTERY BABYLON, WHORE OF ALL THE EARTH
Hillary?
Buying a new bed right now. My options are limited because I need to be able to be tied to it.
Omg in one week, two guys with their own names tattooed on their bodies had their tongues in my mouth. Self loathing shall commence now.
I think I just saw my socks in the parking lot.. gonna keep walking
It's official. My little brother has had more sex in my car than I have. I'm still tied with my little sister. I hate everybody.
He was literally screaming at me for using the same knife to scoop the peanut butter and the jelly.
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