Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
there should be a rule- if you jizz on it, you wash it
totally worth getting kicked out for trying to throw my drink on lindsay lohans ankle bracelet.
you know, this Evan Williams whiskey isn't so bad when it's watered down a bit and you're home by yourself on a Saturday listening to Snoop Dog alone in your apartment without pants or any plans for your future...
he called us the olsen twins. we also rapped ignition much to his dismay.
So that's all you want from me. Easy ass.
And an everlasting friendship
That moment when you notice a tiny IR camera pointing at you, in your bed, at the apartment you found on Craigslist.
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
Settled one third of the tab. Am going back for sex. Love you, make friends
Just checking to make sure you weren't kidnapped, pregnant or watching Fox News.
Blacked-in to me, shirtless, giving myself finger guns in the mirror and rapping "stacks in the club stacks stacks in the club."
I feel awful. The bartender added me on Facebook and there's chips all over the bathroom floor
So...I maybe walked across campus last night with my life size Joe Biden cut out.
Teacher vividly described one of the times he did shrooms, sat down, sighed, and told everyone to go do drugs and let us out 15 minutes into class. I love community colleges
Either I'm getting old or the shit show is playing earlier than it used to...
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