party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
I was the only open register tonight and I just sold condoms and chocolate frosting to the ex..
we both passed out while playing beer pong, woke up in the morning and continued to play coffee pong to cure our hangovers
I'll hook up with guys I don't even like, as long as they leave early enough the next day.
I can't belive they dont sell booze Sunday mornings. I mean some of us have to work
Just whacked off in the middle of writing a paper, gave me great ideas. Note, should do this more often.
New swimming pool is best sex toy ever. We are pioneering the doggie-style paddle.
I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
im celebrating the fact lent is over and i can give blow jobs again.
I was trying to make tacos and friends but there was a major language barrier.
I sent her 8 pictures of my dick in a baked potato. Not sure how I thought that would get me laid later.
And then he said he would build me a mountain dew water fountain
Marry him now.
I am putting together a break up mix and its pretty much the best of Phil Collins
Hey, dude, is Kevin still passed out on your porch?
Yeah. I'm gonna go leave a pitcher of bloody mary next to him in case he's still alive.
i think she learned that just cuz half shots were easier, doesnt mean she can have triple as many.
Randomize
