The cops found weed in michael jacksons house today...it makes up for the child molesting, I like him more now.
He threw a goldfish cracker into my toilet and then proceeded to laugh for 32 minutes. I timed it.
She fell onto my light and broke all four plants. I don't care how good the blowjob was.
you were making out, puked over his shoulder and insisted everything was okay
Its that time of week again, Bad life decision wednesday
Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
We are there now. They have a giant cock and balls with an eagles face and wings.
I just want you and your enormous dick to be my fucking rebound so we can move on with our lives
UGH FUCK THIS TRAFFIC I WANNA SUCK A DICK
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
Regardless of how one feels after a break up, whiskey must be consumed.
went out to hit golf balls, ended up doing splits at the bar. you're a bad influence.
I may or may not have spent student loan money on a vibrator, that falls under living expenses right?
He's not put together enough to have that big of a dick
I came and sneezed at the same time. Words can't describe how awesome it was.
Randomize
