is it bad that i think of my life in terms of the sims? like when i'm hitting it off with someone, i really wish a plus sign would appear above my head. and when i throw up from drinking way too much, a minus sign.
she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
we're taking a shot everytime we receive a "Happy Thanksgiving!!!!!" mass text. up to 7 since 10am. God help us.
Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
That's cool how's he been?
He got hit in the face with a beer bottle so he has two black eyes and 13 stitches.. He hasnt changed much.
Just found my toeprints on the glass of his sunroof.
Whats the count minus fat chicks?
I walked in and she was doing shots, betting the managers if any of the customers would notice, and screaming that nothing would ruin her Saturday night. Say what you want, I like working with my sister.
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
I was asking the bouncer, "if I fall will you catch me?" which then turned into "if I jump off the roof will you catch me?" He said no.
you two really need to work out your issues. my vagina can't handle another week of your pent up frustrations.
I go to a class slightly intoxicated and they bring in a baby. What a life.
Only you could make a stripper uncomfortable by eye fucking her too much.
That's not "anything", that's you deep throating a mozzarella stick.
Randomize
