Hey, go out with us like you promised. You're younger than us and should be able to handle your coke problem with grace.
I know they r crazy. However porn on a big screen is an easy commitment. They come with mute, stop, fast fwd and replay buttons. if only all women came that way...
The only thing I have to prove last night happened is a fireman's hat full of puke.
already putting money aside for 4/20. you ready for the greatest tuesday ever?
There are babies in the room i shouldnt be high with babies in the room.
I only broke up with her because the ex sex is amazing. She will do ANYTHING if i even hint at getting back together
I'm not giving my ex her earrings back. If some chick i hated gave me brownies i would still eat them. It's the same thing.
Those were the days I had no morals... Dark times.
Shall we take a trip back?
You tried to impress her by kicking the 5th floor button in the elevator, but you ended up kicking everything from 3 to 11. Then you said, "pretty accurate, huh ladies?"
Ive done some fucked up shit, but last night was the first I have Poured milk on anothers mans face in the shower.
Some old bald man is a 100,000 dollar Audi sports car just revved his engine at me and held out his phone at me trying to get my number. I hate the valley.
I'm hoping you were seen by someone holding a frozen turkey at 230 in the morning
He wants to make me arch my back "like I'm having an exorcism". Not sure if I'm turned on or freaked out.
Just remember that no one else gets to suck his dick but you, feel honored. It's like the Olympic torch of life is being passed off to you and it's your time to run
Is it weird to befriend your older alcoholic landlords?
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