Is Jonathan Taylor Thomas a gay? I need you to google search it for me. Its important
You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
Sketchest drug deal yet.... I just got paid in quarters and chucky chesse tokens. I need to stop hooking my friends up.
We stayed in and smoked weed and watched Dreamgirls. We made each other's vaginal lips sing the songs. Mine was Beyonce, hers was Jamie Foxx. I think this is one of those times you're jealous you're not an awesome lesbian.
I just remembered how awesome your handjobs were in 7th grade, you were a true champ, thank you
Just pissed in my own closet. Had no idea adult dinner parties could he so awesome.
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
She asked how many sexual partners I'd had and I was like "Honestly I don't even know". And then she said "well last time you said 8." And my inner monologue busted out laughing and I was like "Oh I'd say like 11 or 12.....plus 20."
Lack of response to this text gains you a half hour of freedom before I initiate operations to conclude you are not, in fact, comatose. You requested no mercy.
He sent me a slow motion video of him jerking off...it was so long (the video not his dick) even I felt awkward watching it alone
Just cried watching Wimbledon, worst comedown ever.
I've really become a household name at this fraternity. Mother would be so proud.
Whiskey. Because sometimes it's fun to have your hands go numb.
I've decided it's okay if I take a pregnancy test every month. Then I can be like, "Good job, self, way to not procreate this month!"
Randomize
