my girlfriends now gay ex-boyfriend kissed me. tell maddie i can't hangout today
Will you still be my friend if I read and enjoyed Twilight?
No
The project manager just came into talk to me for the first time and I had justed googled best drum solo ever and couldn't X out of the screen.
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
Abby. I can text perfectly. I pledge allegiance to the flag of the united states of america. and to the republic, for which we stand, one nation under god indivisible and with liberty and justice for all god bless america
You refused to come over and kept yelling that you were gonna sleep on a car
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
Withdrawals are gods way of saying "you're still my bitch"
Well, that now makes it the 4th girlfriend in a row to cheat on me. I don't even care anymore...I'll date a prostitute and not even worry.
That guy is like a clown car of sexy. Just when I think I've seen it all, THERE'S MORE.
AND SOME IN THE TRUNK.
If you're going to drink sriracha straight from the bottle whilst crying, at least wear the giant sombrero for the enjoyment of your audience.
Me and mom just bonded over our mutual desire to bang Mark Ruffalo. I'm not sure how to feel about this.
My farts smell like burning tires and false courage
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
Pretty sure this radio station is run by a cult. Good thing it's in Spanish, can't brainwash someone who can't understand you.
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