Chicken burrito, or no deal.
Is that code for my vagina?
Who the fuck has ever referred to a vagina as a chicken burrito
i think guys who wear condoms are gentleman.
I'm going to make him fall in love with me one blow job at a time.
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
"Students using Axe body spray to light selves on fire" is a real headline from a real newspaper. WHY AREN'T WE DOING THIS RIGHT NOW?
i think i had a heart attack, prayed, and jizzed my pants.all at once.
we've been together for three years, and i still get excited when i know i'm going to give him a blow job. it's that kind of love
And the clouds opened up and the sex gods said I hate you alfalfa
And apparently midway I said "hurry up and finish so we can talk about what a bad idea this was"
Got some good news and bad news about the hayride this weekend.
The good news is its still on, the bad news is we don't have any hay. The best news, if you drink enough you won't give a fuck that its just a trailer.
She just walked up to him and was like "you should fuck Angela" and it worked! She is the ultimate wingman
Last night was like blooper reel sex. He dropped me!!
We walking to the game and some random guy came up to to me and yelled "hey you're the whiskey guy!" And then high fived me then walked away
So I got offered a job this morning based on being a "good role model for girls" and I am drunk at 330 in the afternoon in "celebration." sometimes, life is insane. But not so bad.
I just hooked up with the German exchange student who doesn't speak English. And you said I have no talent.
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