weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
they just dont make restraining orders like they used to.
I just got eleven picture messages of my dick and balls hanging out of my shorts last night. I guess it really is summer when the fratastic, man-thigh exposing shorts come out...
Bro i heard that. I've seen so many balls this month its like march madness all over again
Had a farmer come into my class to talk to us today. He apparently met his wife on fb and just thanked jesus for his land. I think I am in the wrong major...
I apologize for excluding you. On a better note: the stripper that made out with my wife friend requested me on facebook
I've been timing it. He's been showering alone for 33 minutes. 4 minutes ago, he said "truth or dare." haven't heard anything since.
i remember going to sleep after the 4th time i threw up this morning and hoping i didn't have to again because then it would be uneven between saturday and sunday. my ocd is getting out of control
who's idea was it to start the NCAA tournament less than a week after St. Patrick's day? My liver needs time to recover for things like this.
Update: I may or may not be in a cult
Update #2: I may or may not be the leader of said cult
At first I was a little embarrassed for sharting, but then i realized it was a bachelor party, and I went balls to the wall
He dislocated his shoulder trying to finger me last night if that tells you anything
The amount of dicks I have seen in the last hour is more than I have seen in my whole life.
I NEED A MOM FRIEND. NOW.
I can feel the shame as I walk down your hallway.. good night
I almost wrecked my car because of a guy in skinny jeans had a boner
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