I wonder if there will ever be a day where I don't find lisps really really hilarious.
explain the missing patches of hair on my cat. now.
Its official. 'Jingle Bell Rock' gives me a boner. Thank you Lindsay Lohan & Rachel McAdams.
The heaters out again. Makin a fire in thebroke toilet for warmth.
Be still, my beating vagina.
Say what you want, but those Fraggle Rock DVDs have gotten me laid twice.
You didn't know it was a gay bar until the 7th guy rejected you. You were crying because you thought it was just a bad night. No more for you.
I AM A HOUSE CAT. I CANNOT DO THIS LION BUSINESS WE CALL THE SINGLE LIFE
Will you be super villain lesbian lovers with me for halloween?
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
New fact of life: getting Becca high never helps any situation at all ever.
Putting plan B on my parents credit card wasn't the smartest idea
So I'm trying to figure out how to talk my boss into allowing pajama day once a week. Any ideas?
I am sweating Crown. It all went wrong when the ratio hit 50-50
I would let him fuck me right here in this laundromat. Praise Satan.
Randomize
