I'm kindof freaked out about my cock not getting up this morning. Cove over later so I can sort this out. Do not post this on texts from last night.
Damn that would have been a great one. Hahah and don't worry...
He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
I just saw two girls throwing up in the bathroom. they were high-fiving under the stall...
Passed out for 3 hrs til now to wake up naked on my bed covered with grass from drunk slip and slide I would call that success
Sometimes i wish my penis was detachable that way i could take it off sometimes so i wouldnt get into these situations
woke up to the trail of sugar cubes leading to my bed........was i that uncooperative last night
he said that he wanted to outsmoke the rain, I don't know what that means but I'm gonna go help him
When you awake you'll realize that your car is missing....just know that I had it and becuz of your car I hooked up with the hot bar tender that looks like that guy from bay-watch however I parked it in a loading zone and it was towed...that sex was TOTALLY worth it love you
A client gave me a bottle of vodka today. And he was hot with a beard. It's like he knows my soul.
Driving a mountain pass in the middle of a blizzard with the worst vodka gummybear hangover ever is gods way of telling me to keep the black-outing within a 15 mile radius to my house.
Great night. I'm in the middle of explaining to her how the stock market works and she just rips my pants off and starts blowing me. Nerdiest blowjob ever.
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
Does puke ruin car paint? Good thing it's raining.
I hate that I will forever be known as the girl who puked on the front lawn. That only happened once.
my grocery cart consisted of hershey bars, sour patch kids, starbursts, mayo, 4 frozen pizzas, 4 lunchables, and chips. clearly, i can't do this on my own.
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