After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.
It's 3am, i just got back from ht e bars and registered for classes larteeeeee. History of baseball at 8am? at least ill meet the only stragiht gusy at NYU!
Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
Just did lines off your face, congrats on getting in the magazine bro
Like I had no idea he knew how to play girls the way he played me. His major is chemistry for christ's sake.
well in the interest of full disclosure I have been using a used kfc spork as a buttscratcher for a month
I think I'm gonna quit partying for awhile. Piercing my own nose is where I draw the line.
I just sent you a multitude of sexual pictures...and you responded with a Charles Dickens Quote.
I'm currently giving my drug dealer relationship advice. He's a nice guy and all but I'm really just hoping I get some free weed
He got up after sex and said "is it wrong if I say happy Mother's Day?"
You walked in on us hooking up, hugged me, high fived him and unhooked my bra.. You claimed to be helping
He has a bear rug in his room. I'm going to ask if we can have sex on it. Wilderness sex.
I’m lazy so obviously looking like a rotisserie chicken is my favourite position
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