my orientation roommate looks just like New York of Flavor Flav fame
Stop being a whore!!! Everyone can see!!!!
no. i just ate a whole thing of hot dogs. me and regret are sleepng alone tonigh.
"I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.
Only I could run tino my father in law while looking at condoms at Rite Aid. At 730 on a Thursday morning. I'm in trouble.
At some point tonight the bad ideas in my head became bad decisions that happened outside my head
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
Although I commend your efforts to keep my penis away from her, your sister is now booty walking up my stairs. Good game though, good game.
he's the second guy to suck on my nipple in front of my friends that i haven't made out with.
Wouldn't life be so much easier if you could just walk up to attractive men and say, "Let me bear your children" and it wouldn't be creepy?
Or possibly end in a restraining order?
I drank a fishbowl of liquor and next thing I know I'm sliding into Zach Galifinakis' DMs
wtf guys I thought we agreed on no more knives. So much for not destroying the house
I told him I was studying his body for art, so now I have to actually do a drawing of him to not look like a creep and so we can hook up again.
how do i say "cradle the balls" in Italian
You know the story of the boner party, right? They got stuck in the mountains and ate each other?
It was the Donner party... boner party was the porn version...
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