i just fell asleep at my computer and i woke up and in the google bar it said delicious foods to eat
A lady just asked me if you "seat yourselves" here at qdoba. I told her yea and she has been sitting at a table waiting for someone to take her order for 25 mins.
despite contrary belief, getting peanut butter off your balls is not as easy as it sounds
my neighbors garage sale is really cutting into the time of day when i can smoke weed on my deck.
Let's have a moment of silence for the guinea pig that drunk chick threw out our window.
She bit a glass in half.
Did we fight the bathroom girl ? She just wanted to give us lotion and condoms.
Will you judge me if i do shots in my basement closet first? No? Okay good
I knew you were blacked out when you started refusing beer.
Do you think accidently including this month's Credit Card statement in my application will keep me from getting into grad school?
Depends ... when did you purchase your vibrator?
I just shotgunned a beer and my lipstic didnt BUDGE. MERICUHH
Now after not puking, next step is not to do the accent when immigration says "hello."
Just opened my sisters laptop to "cute places to lose my virginity" googled last
Thinking and hoping ice cream is the answer to my problems
MY DINNER LAST NIGHT CONSISTED OF SEMEN AND A PROTEIN SHAKE... MY TRAINER WOULD BE PROUD I DIDN'T HAVE CARBS!
Randomize
