we've reached the level in our friendship where i don't think he would rape me
a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
I drank almost a whole fifth last night. Woke up with blood everywhere wearing a "stereotype this" tshirt. How fitting
I like to think that tonight was Jesus punishing James Cameron for his role in popularizing "My Heart Will Go On."
i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
My date keeps hitting on your friend. Had no expectations, but not a real confidence booster.
Dont be alarmed when you find the maintenance guy passed out on your couch. I didn't to explain why I was there so I offered him a drink, I dont know what happened after that.....
We have a guy passed out in the bathroom with one of our pots. Not sure if he's your friend so I let him be
Dating Detox Day 5: had to go out and buy new batteries. this may be harder than I thought
Wow. I grabbed the wrong container to rinse my contacts- it was a beer. And it comes out waaaay faster than saline.
She just won 2 Grammys at 17 and were sitting here hotboxing our half bathroom
I am in serious pain and you're making dick jokes. I hope you wind up with crotch rot.
Pretty sure I was naked for most of the night.....success
I don't want them thinking I'm like, "Mm, yeah, kitchenware in my ass please."
Clearly the Stanley Cup Finals good luck hand job IS necessary. You let the whole team down.
Randomize
