me texting you is like we have secret walkie talkies.
dude, boobs are like the porridge in goldylocks
I don't talk to her anymore. I lit her birthday presents on fire. Who the fuck puts candles that close to tissue paper?
I need you to help me convince Steph that she will like Tequila if she would chase it with A-1
Apparently I told a girl last night, that's she's super beautiful and I don't want to fuck she just deserves being eaten out
He told me the hickey on the side if his neck was actually a "bruise" from hitting a bird on his motorcycle. I'm not sure what's more impressive, the fact people believed him due to the size of the mark or the fact you gave it to him.
I don't know, I think having hemorrhoids shows character. You have to be trying pretty hard to get them.
What happened after I vommed in your shirt that I was wearing and threw it out the window on the highway?
That makes 14 Xmas cards already! Middle aged people are really nice to their dealers.
I can make a sex schedule on Excel and send it to you guys
I need you to teach me how to be roommates with somebody I'm not fucking.
if it makes you feel any better you looked really comfortable while you were sleepin in the closet, atleast according to the pictures i woke up with on my phone
I figure I since I made out with him that I at least had to save his number in my phone.
But once you are just right and I work my tongue in the right spots and hot wax your balls and inner thighs. I will have you right where I want you.
Who is this?
Oops wrong number
Shhh embrace your inner whore. Just embrace it.
Randomize
