My girlfriend went down on me and as she did she hummed the theme from star wars and pretended my dick was a lightsaber...I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
im not picky. i just want someone whod go down on me while im writing my psych midterm paper. thats not a lot to ask.
I just walked in on my roommates playing baseball with old vegetables and a bigass knife.
He told me something must be wrong, because no one had seen my boobs yet
Made fish tank punch. It's like trash can punch but in a fish tank. Also, my dad saw a picture I uploaded on Facebook and called me a pussy for only making 10 gallons.
you pulled down your pants to convince a girl you were god
Yeah kinda weird. My grandparents are here for dinner and I'm chilling on the couch close to tripping out on pain killers. My pap asked me how works going and I prettymuch drooled on myself as an answer.
He went THROUGH MY PHONE (he's 30 for God sake) then asked me why I was stringing along 12 guys... I told him he could have just asked me if I was banging other people and then saved himself from looking at pics of dicks bigger than his.
I'm 50% sure my cousin put weed in these deviled eggs.
I'm reliable. I always make it home. I always throw up in the street too.
She deserves a chance to suck my penis. This is America. Its her God given right.
I don't really want to talk about it, but if anyone finds my unicorn mask with my bra in it, I would really like that back.
She said I'm like warm bathroom-sink water. There's nothing necessarily wrong with me, but she doesn't exactly want to "drink me in"
He spilled some of his beer on your shoulder then proceeded to lick it off. By the face you made, I don't know if you were completely horrified or really turned on.
Took my nervous poop earlier then expected it's gonna be a good day
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