I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.
P.S. I can't hear my feet
she looks like someone took a bunch of spare parts and glued them all on one face. it's quite horrifying.
i said i was sorry for his girlfriend's cancer diagnosis and he said "easy come, easy go" and tried to fuck me
can't remember last night but the beers were $3.50, so i can count how many I had by counting my quarters
i can afford to take several trips up and down the parkway right now if I wasn't still hanging over my toilet
im shotgunning beers in the kitchen. alone. the cat is judging me.
He brought a TOOTHBRUSH and TOOTHPASTE with us on our date..... I want to go home and forget I ever decided to be nice and go on this date in the first place...... A TOOTHBRUSH!?!?!
I just put on underwear fresh outta the dryer and it's like tiny Angels are giving them warm supportive hugs all over
He wore socks while I was giving him head. I couldn't even focus on his penis because of the socks.
HOW CAN YOU EXPECT ME TO KEEP YOUR SECRETS IF YOU KEEP ON TELLING ME THEM.
Today some guy at work told me I had the nicest hair he's ever seen and my response was "thanks I grew it myself". This is why I'm single.
Lo siento on account of my penis...
I just spent 45 minutes and a really well-put together Power Point trying to convince her to use my dog as baby Jesus in her church's play.
On cleanup... i've counted 94 solo cups so far.. oh, and i found a miniature top hat in the microwave
It's a weird kind of sexy when a guy has a bunkbed with his roommate
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