The make-up sex just reminded me why we broke up in the first place.
he had two deer mounted on his dorm room wall with panties and bras hanging from the antlers... i cant believe i contributed to bambi's headgear...
So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas
Someones grandma was rubbing my back. I'm way too high for this.
His rebound girl is half his size, looks like a leprechaun, is majoring in theater studies and has arms like Rosie O'donnell. Do I win?
I figured out plans for New Year's and by figuring out I mean I've got a sugar bowl of cocaine. Start at 10?
I was more obsessed with the sweat stain on her back that was simultaneously shaped like a vagina and the virgin Mary.
we were playing waterfall, then strip waterfall, then we were just listening to music, drinking, and slowly becoming more naked
I own a halfway home for drunk girls, this is my life
Jesus himself couldn't make a better sandwich
It makes showers more interesting trying to drink a gin and tonic and keep soap out of my eyes at the same time.
You need to calm down.
My vagina needs her own mother sometimes.
You think he will forgive me for the paper being a week late if I bring him a beer?
...it's a 9am class...
Apparently she almost had an affair at Outback Steakhouse, details to follow when I get home but the apple really doesn't fall far from the tree
he kissed both of us goodnight when we dropped him off...I didn't know if I was more offended or impressed
Randomize
