I jsut got pulled over and passed the sobritaty test.
Good thing spelling doesn't count.
just told my mom that i'm having a bad day and she responded with "maybe you should pour yourself a nice drink". good to know that my parents support my future of alcoholism
I'm already at the bar. It's 2 PM. Help
So instead of getting the if-you-hurt-my-little-girl-youre-dead talk, i got the alcohol-is-our-friend talk, i like her dad already
They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
One date. That's all it took. I want to have his geunis babies in me. One date.
You basically told your boyfriend at the time you were going to shit in his hands.
And I meant every ounce of it.
It's 6 am and I've spent the last few hours searching for a cork screw or suitable substitute. You had none. Incidentally, I finally opened this bottle of wine, but owe you a new meat sticky thing with those two prongs. Sobriety is not good for me. Or your utensils.
Second wave of rafting ended in a concussion. Don't worry though, the paramedic says it's still not considered a DUI.
We smoked speed and opium for the first time. ended up harvesting cucumbers with locals at 9am in a farmers field. Laos is fuckin crazy.
I did what any insensitive guy would do bought her friends shots and tried to fuck them
You have no idea how pumped I am. I literally plan on dying. You're in my will
It isn't easy. I met him at the gym. He wanted to go out he doesn't drive so I drove and he wanted Dairy Queen where his sister is the manager. This is dating in my 20's
Did you really eat 10 ice cream cones today?
It was tough but I powered through it.
Dont ask questions just say words. where can i find plan b?
Randomize
