I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
I'm pretty sure there's seven mailboxes in the bathtub...
We're like two naked peas in a sex pod.
the non-midget kid sent 8,000 texts in a month. the midget parents are pissed. THIS IS EPIC WHEN YOUR HIGH.
even the sluttiest version of myself will not go down on him
i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
did the walk of shame through a baseball field. .A little league game was going on. Proceeded to buy a hot dog at the concession stand. the looks were priceless.
Our whole friendship has just been time foreshadowing my dick in your mouth.
Everything sucks i just wanna cry and smoke a bowl and pet my cat and die. All at the same time
Let me shower first- i smell like sex and rock climbing (not so sure how that happened)
He bought my favorite ceral.. I've guess I've earn the status as one of his regular fuck buddies. I feel honored and proud. His roommates girls don't get this treatment.
I LOVE YOU SO MUCH I'M ON A WILD DICK CHASE FOR YOU. How many lesbians do YOU know that would do that? HOW MANY????
OMG. Hung over at my grandparents house. Threw up on 3 T-stops, countless snowbanks, and the grandparents driveway. Was proposed to last night. Bruised from head to toe from falling down 3 flights of stairs. Debating my intelligence because it seems that "happy new years" is too hard for me to spell. How were your new years festivities?
He just pulled out my weave during sex....needless to say I'm embarrassed and in need of another shot pronto
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
Randomize
