apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
we were playing true or dare on a webcam chat and i was way to drunk ...i ended up having to drink my own piss outta a beer bottle, life couldnt get any worse right now
I should have been more specific when I asked for 8 inches.
i love waking up at 5am with an imprint of a toilet seat on my chest
all but 2 of were put on probation for disorderly conduct. i know, visiting a hospital when your drunk is really stupid but it seemed like such a good idea at the time
swear to god, "it seemed like a good idea at the time" is gonna be on your epitaph
Dude so coolest charity idea ever, think aids walk but instead of miles you drink beers oh the possibilities
Girl it's 3:30 get your life together and come enjoy a bowl, some coffee and a brownie with me
Are you really surprised she can't remember? That's like 50 people. I couldn't rattle off all 50 state capitols off the top of my head, you're bound to forget a few here and there
Sorry I called bc I needed help peeing outside
But I did it
Got 3360 Shoppers points for buying Plan B. I guess this all worked out for the best.
Scientific fact: if he makes a face like a demonic dog when he's fucking you, makes it easier to fuck without feelings.
To get him to come she paid for his uber and promised that someone in the house would give him head. it worked
you were so high you asked for half double stack and half crispy chicken sandwich "welded together" in the wendy's drive through
Drunk on wine at my parents house watching "RugRats In Paris". Comeatmeadulthood.
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