I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
are you looking for your table cloth? Cause I found it around my neck this morning...
Our adventure is going to pick up his pipe and weed that he ditched when he got pulled over the other day.
HOT DATE.
how do I tell him nicely and in french that we can't have sex anymore because his huge penis will ruin me for other french men?
I gave him head and we watched Fashion Police. somehow it wasn't awkard.
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
It's hard to judge what a reasonable amount of cereal looks like in the spaghetti pot. We're out of cap'n crunch and milk.
You were my sober police. You had one job and you failed miserably.
I'm a corrupt cop.
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
By the way, anytime you want to go toe to toe on Doggystyle lyrics just let me know!
Who is this? Did we just become best friends?!
Had the best sex Thursday night then Friday night I met his girlfriend. The worst thing is we became friends like she gave me her number.
Right as the plane left the gate the brownies kicked in. I dont think the guy next to me appreciated my engine noises as we took off
Apparently my thong was thrown in the cornfield last night. No one will tell me why.
2016 shall be rememered as the year I sharted while putting up the Christmas tree.
you were acting out moves from the wwe, in a dress. then you sceamed "you can't see me" and ran out of the apt.
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