i've been called drunk 4 times today and it's only 3pm
Friends don't let friends talk to people who live in Orlando. Sorry I've failed you.
I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
Oh i know my limit. 9 shots after i've given blood.
I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
she worked me into her spring break cardio plan. im mondays and wednesdays.
I think I'm getting too used to throwing up in the reception trash can. It doesn't even phase me anymore
she's living proof man. somebody has literally pissed in the gene pool
Just watched a deer get gangbanged in my front yard by 5 bucks. Wtf animal kingdom
Just in case you were wondering..... I really did just wave goodbye to you with my penis.
He called me piss drunk at 7:30pm while cooking bacon and said he was going to bed. I don't think he's taking it well.
I will never use my dick in anger. With great dick comes great responsibility
I feel worse lying to the guy I hooked up with than I actually do for cheating on my bf
The bad thing is that I bled through my bandages last night and keep finding blood around the house. It's almost like a scavenger hunt for solber me. I get to find out where drunk me went.
I told him. He hasn't said anything. Crying and holding cats is probably what is happening.
Randomize
