he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
I'm timing the release of my poops to the sound of the machine gun from the video game he's playing in the living room.
I left when they started reinacting what appeared to be a jerry springer episode
On a list of weird places to get a bj, how weird is in the basement of a pharmacy
We got really high and decided it would be a good idea to wash towels in the dishwasher. I left before I could see the final result.
and he should realize what an amazing ex i am for encouraging my best friend to hook up with him
I can't even type what I drank. I'll throw up
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
Some idiot from high school is in the hospital for bonging three beers up his ass
He should have died. Natural selection.
You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
No kiss but I got free McDonald's so at least we can focus on what is really important here
Get ready tonight we are going to get drunk and pierce my nipples
Good Morning! You are sterile right?
just went home with a guy that made fun of me in elementary school. this blow job is not going well for him.
True life: I inadvertently fucked a whole friend group. More details to come tonight.
Randomize
