we had that weird still in bed morning after conversation. Her dad is the vp of my company.
I had a dream last night that Anthony Bourdain gave me a vibrator.
I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
So how was awkward coffee with forgets-your-name?
Fuck you. how could you leave me passed out hangin out my truck window when you knew it was starting to rain?
He left his own bachelor party to bring me weed. Then smoked with me. Tell me I'm not his favorite-ex-friends-with-benefits.
Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
Seriously. I'm like, "Wait, we are actually talking about physics in the middle of sex and its ACTUALLY erotic because you're so fucking intelligent I'm turned on?"
I might be offended if you don't bang me tomorrow. You know, for America.
I feel like I got run over by a steamroller made of cigarettes and booze driven by all of the men I've slept with.
I still can't believe a guy pooped in my backyard
Yeah, oh and the story gets better. His friend was dressed as a christmas tree wrapped in twinkle lights and had to plug himself in the wall all night.
Fuck this virus. We’re finally back on campus but the bars suck parties are banned sports are canceled we eat in our rooms and can’t fucking hangout with anyone. I’m tired of virtual classes and involuntary celibacy
OMG IKR! It’s not college unless we’re puking in a toilet wondering if we’re pregnant or just hungover!
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