Didn't get to fuck her. Had to leave abruptly through window. Explain later.
Even when you're not here I still manage to get pad thai in my vagina
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
I'm gonna make some noodles and go to bed. Hopefully I don't fall into the stove or something.
after you left he started opening his bottles by smashing the neck against the edge of the fireplace and pouring beer into his mouth. it was about the manliest thing ive ever seen. its probably how lumberjacks open their beers... if they didnt have their axes handy.
just in the smoking shack with my sister cheering on a caterpillar make its cocoon
Dude if I call tonight please answer and just say "NO, dont do it."
BAT SHIT CRAZY
It's you're fault, even though I never called
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
I'm kinda surprised he wouldn't be honored to take me back as a fuck buddy.
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
I have suspicion of morning wood.
How are you unsure as to the current state of your penis?
So I guess I bought a cat last night. Fuuuccckkk.
who knew my inner goddess was such a whore
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
I know you told me I shouldn't go see him...that's why I'm texting you letting you know I made it home safe from his house this morning
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