i wanted to go smoke pot, so i told my mom i was getting tutored. she asked what time i would be back, i told her learning doesn't have a curfew
Just don't lie down.. Throwing up upwards is NOT cute the second time.
Whatever, she only has 293 friends, she cant afford to be defriending me..
I feel like shaving is just admitting i'm gonna do him, even though im still on the fence
shave. it'll take 10 min. Better safe than hairy.
I'm using my ex boyfriends dog to find a guy at the park I could see fuck buddy potential in. I'm the queen of irony.
If we break up, I want weekend visitations with your penis.
He's high as balls tripping balls and doing a reenactment of the scene where Buzz jumps off the balcony and can't fly to his soundtrack of Toy Story.
Sometimes I love sober logical me. She makes rare appearances but when she does she shines.
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
i just added a shot of fireball to my iced coffee. goodbye sobriety.
blue gatorade loses no color upon regurgitation
I AHVE A WINE BUCKETTTTTTT
Dude why can't I remember anything after walking in from my first beer bong?
It was immediately followed by your second, third, fourth and fifth
Just got home, my brothers stoned and he got a high score on COD.. He just asked me if I wanted to have a celebrational yogurt with him. Wtf?
It doesn't matter if it's only been 3 days since you last changed your sheets. If your fuck buddy comments on how your bed smells like sex, it's time to change them again.
Randomize
