a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
i nerd-gasmd. plain and simple.
I think he may have overheard our "how much coke would you fuck me for" conversation last night...
The party theme was heirs and heiress's. Most guys came in polo shirts but he came as the "arch duke of vagina".
As a matter of fact you told me i fulfilled your "woodshop teacher fantasy"
he broke into my appartment and left me a waffle maker...
That's the kind of break up sex that keeps couples together. Damn.
I can't be 100% sure of this but I think tonight was the first time I told a middle aged woman holding a baby to go fuck herself
He tried to reenact Braveheart's freedom scream but got tackled by his drunk roommate who thought he was yelling that the handle he was holding up was free.
Just pee around me
The cops came, and I made friends with him. He wants me to babysit his kids.
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
When you're trying to sneak from the bathroom to your room with dildo, but it glows in the dark and suddenly your entire life is illuminated in the shape of dick
MY TITS JUST CAUSED A CAR ACCIDENT ON THE HIGHWAY! i kid you not!! i thinl the giy is actually dead
may or may not have snorted a line of tums... wtf.
Randomize
