So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
Her vagina smelled like chicken
why do you say that
chicken smells like everything
this blows. i told the guy at the bar that i was the DD and it was like i just announced over megaphone that i had genital herpes. no one will talk to me now.
Is it weird that out of everything, Im most worried about chipping a tooth on his prince albert?
His mom always writes on my facebook right after we have sex. it's like she knows. with her scary mom psychic powers
Some girl at my gym just tried to casually drop the fact she can kegel 3 lbs...
There are days when you go to throw something in your bedroom trash can and realize the only things in there are a used condom, a Lime-arita can and a muffin wrapper.
Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?
He made me choke him and call him Papi..so all in all a good night.
She's like the sister I never had that I want to bang.
Yeah just pls explain the dishes and the dildo. I don't want to lose my job over a dick in the cooler.
I don't intentionally mean to ruin relationships for personal gain but. Yeah nah I totally do.
you kept shouting 'jesus penis' when i was on the phone with 911
My feet surprised me
She totals her lexus and all she wants is to have crazy wild sex.
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