I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
SLUTTIEST. 4TH. EVER.
Apparently I joined a band last night. Definitely my favorite blackout.
Soooo how am i supposed to explain to my mom that i was admitted to the hospital but you kidnapped me within 20 minutes?
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
My neck kind of hurts. I think from sleeping on the concrete.
I know. I feel like I should be doing mature responsible adult things though. Like getting loans, working 60 hours every week and not eating burritos in bed, ya know?
Okay well we need to be adults. We're gonna end up with diabetes or some shit.
Do you think casino weekend will remind us once again that we in fact are not mature enough to be this old?
But actually he solved 40% of my life problems just in one dicking
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
I told him I thought I was pregnant and he told me he accidentally killed my bird.
Circle of life.
I think I'm the first girl to break a bed with a guy, without even having sex with him while doing so.
I am so dumb. I made a mistake and let him get away.
Don't worry, there are other penises in the sea.
Thanks, mom.
she's 6'2. you bet your ass i slept with her.
Randomize
