I find it funny that "sexual harassment" contains the phrase "ass sex". Let me know what your thoughts are on the matter.
Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
i justawanted to let you know that illi aalways be thwew for ui and o qill waasag youer dog whenebvet u wsnt
I just saw a guy in front of the courthouse giving himself a sobriety test and fail it...this can't end well
I'm gonna wear that dress that makes me look like a slut. You know, the one your sister got arrested in.
Yesterday was just the icing on the rejection cake that was my week
we shared soup. that is literally the extent of my romantic life right now
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
the bandages come off on Tuesday. we can try out my new breasts then.
If you ever insult pizza rolls again, I will dragon kick you in the throat
still not dressed at 5:00, jacking off watching men's figure skating and hoping my weird roommate doesn't walk in. anybody who says idk how to have fun is wrong
I walked out and he was covered in jelly, slithering around the floor. I don't know how to process that.
I'M GOING TO DIE ALONE WITHOUT ANYONE PRETENDING TO BE A MARRIED COUPLE WHILE DRUNK AT A MALL WITH ME
All I'm saying is there better be a bow on your dick for my birthday
Just once, can I please come back to a room that doesn't smell like beer and cum?
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