thanks...oh and i got my period
told you
oh hush
dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
all I know is I'm really rwfly really really stoned and a bunch of Korean people are yelling at me
Dude. Get me out of here. I'm surrounded by glitter-faced 40 year olds in halter tops. The desperation here is so thick you can taste it.
Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
I swear I can feel something in my uterus. Like, I can feel his sperm searching for an egg. Wtf...
I'm washing down the sadness with shots of vodka.
I was weirded out when the chunky goth girl and her boyfriend both started eyeing me and wanted to by me a drink.
I'll take care of you. Just let me pee on this old white person's car first.
The stripper told Tom to sort his life out
Ive already seen two fights and a clown urinating in the middle of the street. Hello Halloween 2014.
We had sex to Hey Arnold, Rugrats, and All That. I feel like my life has come full circle.
I'm armed with nothing but $4 lip gloss gum and my phone. Ready to take on the fucking world.
Love it. I wish you see me right now. I'm counting cash on my bed with no shirt on, beauty and the beast sound track on blast. Fucking creepin it up.
They just canceled the season. It’s going to be harder to bang soccer moms this year
Randomize
