I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
Hey its my first time.
I think you mean "it's my first time"
Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
Thanks for telling my landlord that the poop stain was yours and not my secret dog.
I know I'm not the first to fuck in a park but i deserve props for doing it at 3pm. On a sunny day might I add.
There is a large, jolly black gentleman in the parking lot of my appartment complex yelling about 5am jelly doughnuts. I want to be where he's at.
Finally better. I had to use eye makeup remover to get the purple wine stains off my lips
If 26 stitches didn't sober her up, nothing will.
Be ready for a dog pile. On your head. With my ass.
as he was fingering me, all I was thinking about was how lucky his girlfriend is...
I think I have to break up with him. I just cried, not moaned, screamed, etc, cried, with tears of sadness and disappointment when I came.
You know just a typical night. Eating peanut butter off of tablespoons and having sex to our favorite Christmas carols. This is my favorite time of year.
Knows all the good gay bars AND has a dog? Wtf can't I drop pizza on guys like that????
You have to get it done early. Like a dick drive by. Hit it and run.
One lone grasshopper in the whataburger bathroom. Don't know how it got there. Scared the fuck out of me. Also puked over the side of the silverado fence. The horses looked disappointed. Animal magnetism is beautiful. You taught me well. I love you.
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