ok now this is the second time he's reffered to recieving a blow job as 'getting his pee pee sucked'
Just spent the last of my lifesavings on (what i hope is enough of) alcohol. Hello summer.
id like to point out that while i was just peeing a condom fell out of my vag.
i like to finish this college football season knowing that not once have I had to masturbate to erin andrews
we've decided to start cutting you off when you can't figure out how to work an ipod.
He's coming back with me for the week. It took me saying "I don't wanna drive myself home... I'm better as a passenger giving road head" for him to jump at it. Rack another one up for my magical openings.
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
So the drug dealer I'm sleeping with just got drugs from the other drug dealer I'm sleeping with
Isn't life beautiful?
A total of 95 cents was stuck to my ass the next morning.
I will cut you
Oddly enough thats the second time today someones said that to me
Put that in perspective
My parents are takin me for chinese food for my 4/20 present.
I fucking hate you.
Bring enough bail money and little extra for tacos after
I lost all of my bathing suit tops.. This is both a success and a failure
I was on tinder the whole time I was waiting for my pregnancy test results at the doctors.
She used a candle as a shot glass.. A FUCKING CANDLE BRO!!
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