final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
Disadvantage of being gay..... my gag reflexes makes trying to make myself throw up extremely difficult.
He's gotten way too comfortable around me. He came into the bathroom and took a shit while I was in the shower.
i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
he just sent me a pic of him naked with a bucket of margarita mix hanging off his dick
You swear the intervention is for her? I've fallen for that one twice.
Dude he's your dog he doesn't love me more than you. I'm just like that cool uncle that takes him to burger king and to see girls.
I feel like somebody ate me, then shit me into my bed.
I'm sorry, you might have to start setting aside some time in your day for my pussy.
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
Hooked up with an ex Playgirl model. I feel like the universe just high-fived me for staying sober.
Driving from bar to bar trying to recover all of the possessions I've drunkenly lost over the course of the past few nights. Actual nadir of my life and absolute height of shamblyness.
Props for using the word nadir
I mean my dick does have feeling again, which is a step in the right direction
don't worry dude i have your phone, text me when youre gonna come get it
i love discovering the tokens of our drunkenness from the night before. it's like easter egg hunting. today: smashed pizza rolls in the sink.
Randomize
