i dont know why he would complain when i touch him there.
you dont seem to understand my overwhelming need to watch space jam right now
Playing drinking games to Nancy Grace totally counts as "keeping up with current events.."
Just saw a baby with a T-shirt that read "I am the result of my mother forgetting to take her magic pills". I can't believe they make shit like that.
Well that wasnt the exboyfriend i expected to hook up with today
In the middle of switching positions, we shared a line of coke. It's was like a modern-day 'Lady and the Tramp.'
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
I think I just sold a snake to a stoned teenager.
You serve our country by fighting in the sandbox, i serve our country by entertaining rich businessmans' daughters. We each do our part.
You know darned well I have a well-documented weakness for redheads, Subway and hand-drawn graphic novels.
It must be love. I'm deleting my porn for him.
I described my life as a 7 layer cake of death
Oh my god I need an adult
Wait shit I am an adult
Let go out that Thursday night!
Yess sounds good, I have to go turn myself in the next day because what happened last Friday.
you bounced a quarter off my butt and it came back hitting you in the eye. karma, bitch.
Randomize
