OMg patrick swayze is the sexuest man he is killing me I'm gonna get dehydrated if I don't stop looking at him
Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
I'm driving to work with an ice pack on my vagina. how was your weekend?
Watching that soccer game was like getting kicked in the crotch for an hour and half and then coming right at the end.
So i was told that i peed in the sink, had sex with a pillow and banged on a washer while singing idian chants
Make sure you take the apple pie out of your pocket before you pass out.
I don't know if I want to cry scream puke or go somewhere and drink more. This is such a weird emotion.
Um. That's my cat Laura. You put my cat in your mouth, and then you put my cat in your purse.
You crossed every boundary on the boundary spectrum last night. You're like the illegal immigrant of drunk actions. No more holiday drinking for you.
What if for Halloween I paint my self gold and make sandwiches for everyone? I'd be a trophy wife! Get it?
So I just went to clothing optional bar
I couldn't even tell you how many times I've said "wrong hole" today
Stay home. Ain't nothing out in these mean streets but plan b and regret
She fucked my eyebrows.. I've never had that done before.
Wait... Plucked, or Fucked?
Fucked, but I understand your need to clarify
Randomize
