the ***** family is living proof that there are no more lifeguards in the humen gene pool
i want to open my blinds to let the sunlight in my room, but i'm afraid my neighbors will be able to see me drinking and judge me
am i the only one who has tried sucking their own cock????
I knew you were drunk when you poured scotch on a croissant and ate it.
wanna hang out tonight and remember it?
She better not be too drunk to operate a blowtorch
Food lion is just a portal. Cheetos are the goal. Its like not banging a super hot chick cause she is french. She still has the same parts just from a different box.
Now I am going to fly my toy helicopter in the dark.
I'm gonna give him birthday punches. On the dick. With my mouth.
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
I can't help the fact that i'm turned on by white boys that look like Jesus
If the sex wasn't incredible why would I compare it to cheesy tots
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
Why are we so out going and care free I can't wait for maturity to kick in so we stop having 700 dollar bar tabs
He went down on me for like 30 min and honestly half the time I thought about those videos where people can smash watermelons with their legs and I just wanted to do that to his skull
I woke up with an eye patch on, someone else's sweatshirt on, and no pants on. I hope it was a good night.
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