Text. Mid BJ. 8 points.
I don't know how but I have our hotel room door handle in my purse... this can not be good
your philanthropy is ruining my sex life.
Please do not make a facebook page for my hickeys.
I cooked you Mac and cheese when I was drunk and drugged. That counts for about 4 meals. Try harder
Dude, she gave me a handski that literally felt like she was starting a lawn mower...
They turned motor-boating me into some kind of sick game
A black suburban rolled up and a scary suited guy got out the passenger side and opened the door for her as she got in. Then drive off. Who did I just fuck?
She is the epitome of a puke & rally. She picked a random hott guy at the bar & made him pinky promise not to leave while she took a power nap. She went & passed out in her friends car & apparently puked just outside the bar. She stumbled in & found the randome guy again & claimed she was golden. Made it to the after party & stayed up til 6 doing body shots off every girl she saw & hooked up with the random from the bar. I love her life
Jumanji is 1000% better stoned while cooking breakfast.
I'M WORRY THAT MY VAGINA WILL NEVER KNOW THE TOUCH OF A MAN AND YOU ARE MAKING A MIXTAPE
There's no discreet way to sneak a cucumber into the shower lol
Yeah we fucked. I ran into her the next day, I had to pick up the girl scout cookies I ordered from her boyfriends kids.
THAT'S MY GIRL
KICKING BUT AND GETTING PEOPLE INTOXICATED
Unless it has to do with ramen, goldfish, cheese, or rugby, don't talk to me.
Randomize
