Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
Tried killing a moth in our bathroom. Water everywhere. Don't worry about it.
Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
I can't wait to get all this Makers out of my shoe.
She's good at three things and two of them involve dicks. And other one involves her love for arts
This girl caught me staring at the cat but stroking the computer because it was closer, which is why I hate blunts.
I feel like this is going to result in some sort of tearing in my vagina.
Thats a chance were just gonna have to take
I just did a Kegel and my back popped. My vagina is a gift to penises everywhere.
So in Aca Taco on grad night 1am, this bitch walks in alone drunk as fuck in her gown to the front of the line and says, "I graduated today...thank YOU"
DO IT, or I'll send you pictures of my hickey to remind you of your loneliness
I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.
my dry spell has ended & now it's like a tsunami of dick i can't handle it
Would you paint my ceiling for oral sex?
How do I say “I have great tits” without it sounding awful
Randomize
