Dude?? where did you go after Wildcats last night? Last I heard you went off with one of the girls we danced with?
Negative - This is his GF, Bobby is in Jail for a DUI. Thanks for the info.
I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
so my car got towed last night. I didnt know it cost 118 dollars to have a college experience
Please tell me you saw the asian lady with the medical mask on cutting her lawn with scissors.
dude you cant keep breaking into my house just to raid my fridge.. especially at 3AM.
it only took 2 hours but we managed to melt the purity ring down with a butane torch
I have a very hazy flashback of me making out with a guy in a seashell bra??! Can you confirm or deny
Yes he was puking but in the only light of the whole parking lot and he was resting in the patch of clovers and he just was a garden fairy
Just purchased ketchup, body wash, and lube. Hope you're ready for the post-memorial-day-cookout-shower-anal.
VOOOODKA VOOODKA WE PLEDGE OUR LOVE TO THEEEE VODKAAAA VODKAAAA SAVIOR OF LIBERTYYYY
It all started with sending him a text about Spongebob. It escalated from there.
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants
While buying Plan B the lady at the counter looked at me and said hope you have a successful night as I walked away in shame
If you think that liquor is the way to shower sex then you're right.
I am now gainfully employed. Parents, lock up your children.
Yay! Welcome to the world of "you're seriously trusting me with your kid?"
Randomize
