just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
I just realized that if I marry him I will have the same last name as spiderman. this makes my decision so much harder.
Today should be called shooting fish in a barrel day. Every place ive gone to ive met a girl who regrets not hooking up last night. There have not been girls this easy since Fathers Day
I may still return these pants. Depends how much they smell like alcohol by tmrw morning. I've already spilled once.
pre-gaming in the library. just gonna keep going until i'm too drunk to keep working and then i'll be there.
Before you even think your day was worse than mine, I had to disinfect and and stitch another dude's penis after his prince Albert got ripped out by an angry chick.
Why do I always miss the parties you're naked at?!
I get naked cuz your not there
I woke up on karas dogs bed. Lets evaluate our lives.
Pitting the remainder of the bottle against my hangover. I'm expecting an all out cage match for my soul and wellbeing.
my dad is now demonstrating how to start a fire with a tampon. happy fucking new year!
Can rosie odonnell just not be a lesbian? Shes stressing me out, knowing we bat for the same team.
hell no. i was not wasting my two tears of virginity on him.
Yeah plus that night got so disgusting it's basically a repressed memory anyway
Why the HOLY HELL is my dog on my roof??? Sam?? Why is the dog wearing my pants
you just don't appreciate it because you've never been arrested
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