I had a dream last night that we were eating cake at Mercy...hahaha. I'm furious I didn't see you.
she came over and started getting naked and said its not like i came over to just hang out
youve hit the jackpot
you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
well it doesn't count as a walk of shame if he drops you off at your class in his golf cart
And then I'm going to yell into her vagina and see if it echoes
so literally, as soon as i tripped and fell and hit the floor the earthquake started. hows THAT for a self esteem boost?
you think that next time i come over to do this you can pick up the condom wrappers you used on the other girls
It took all the strength I had tto sit at my desk and not tear off my business attire and run screaming from adulthood and flourescent lights.
Then pass out next to me, I'll be under a pong table or a park bench. Really depends on the weather during Mifflin
Well, I found the missing blow... in my fucking suitcase... THIS MORNING. Yeah, I flew from FL to NY with blow in my suitcase yesterday.
I told you to check, dude
Yeah, AFTER I checked my bag and I was already sitting on a plane. Oh well. I figured worst case I'd do like 15 hours in county and I was totally prepared for that anyways. I always prepare for that when we hang out.
He was just lying on the living room floor watching Star Wars with six empty pack of cigarettes and two empty cases of beer.
In his defence I guess I did take the bed, couch and dining room set in the breakup.
Wrong. I really wanted to see the movie. And she was on top of me like she was riding a mechanical bull. Who am I to complain? I live to serve.
I mean, it's just pathetic when the standard is tinder and he can't live up to it.
Just took an Adderall with Pedialyte so I think that's a valid answer to "how are you doing"
All three of the bartenders here have screwed my boss, so he's definitely gay. Unfortunately for you he seems to have a type and you're not it.
Randomize
