some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
he was sending me dirty texts but i was watchin nickeloden and couldnt get into it
im ashamed your my cousin
Your favorite bartender is back from prision
I heard a loud ass thump and then I saw both dogs coming around the corner.... Without him. I went to check out what happened and the dogs apparently pulled him down onto his face, knocking him out.
Go ahead. I tried to back up ur budhism story but she mite be catching on
Dammit. I hoped that would work. Just tell her I'm doing my pilgrmidge to Nepal or something.
We're playing a drinking game to 'how to train your dragon'. has it really come to this?
just had an awkward elevator run in with that guy you puked on
You asked her to play "the coma game" with you while hooking up, and then passed out in her bed. She couldn't wake you up so she slept on the floor.
Looks like I won that one
currently taking a solo cab to the strip club at 1 in the morning. this is healthy.
Waking up with a sore back because you put the team on it for jager pong all night
I'm stoned at 1030am, watching Maury with my exboyfriend. I need to make better choices with my life.
My vday gift was a joint bouquet, Finding Nemo on bluray, and a good shower fuck.
Um, WHAT A FUCKING KEEPER!
Side note: I just realized that I can make my hand warmers double as a heated push up bra.
Instead of saying hi she asked if she could touch your dick through your ski bib and NOW I understand why you wore it to the bars
Naw dude theres seriously a lobster in my sock drawer. Why?
Randomize
