I told you not to have sex with her on my futon
I didnt dude, i swear!
either that or you were eating mayo, which was the second thing i told you not to do on my futon
he said no girl had ever swallowed his cum before
he probably also told you he thought u were pretty
Reached a new low. Drinking Wine from my thermos while on the stair master.
just run out there and shit all over the driveway when he comes.. and then point at him
Yea there's blood all over the porch but we wont have to buy alcohol for the rest of the week
Next time you think about divorce, consider this: a hot guy just walked in and I tried to suck in my back fat.
Had to go see my sisters new baby this morn in the clothes I wore to the rave last night. Still drunk. Almost dropped it. I'll be a good aunt right?
I'm hungover from arbor mist I'm so white
I am putting together a break up mix and its pretty much the best of Phil Collins
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
Currently looking up Winnie-the-Pooh porn.
Haha. I found pics last week of me getting motorboated by a girl while i was taking a shot. Hahaha in my wedding dress. Classy
If I wasn't planning on spend the rest of my life with you I wouldn't send you so many nudes, so fucking appreciate it
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
its like probably shouldnt be sending pics of your asshole to strangers who work in the same building as you
Randomize
