new years resolution: more sex, less car punching, more chipotle.
I feel like she's the kind of girl who always ends up with guys who have oddly shaped dicks..
He's really hot. I think he's gonna be my reason to shave this winter.
i have no feeling in my penis or fingers but i think it was worth it
No kidding. I just keep looking at that 'under 21 until 11/21/2011' on my id and whispering "soon enough"
I defriended her. I just can't support someone whose profile picture is of their water birth.
The last thing I remember was paying off her younger brother not to judge me, then puking on his shoes.
They invited me day drinking but brought their kids. 3 two year olds and 1 11 month old. I was asked to change a diaper, I laughed and took another drink of this margarita. I LIKE CHANEL AND TEQUILA NOT CHILDREN. Can we make new friends?
Hahah what did you even say to him?!
That I was gonna inflate his vagina with a leaf blower?
Oh.
He is dating a girl who is on the Olympic shooting team...I've never been so scared to hit on a guy with a girlfriend in my entire life.
I feel like that's something that he should've asked me over dinner..... instead of with his hand down my pants? maybe not
I'm straight up riding in the back of my truck in a bean bag chair right now. Feet propped up and four loko in hand. Glorious.
He and I are in a competition of who can sleep with the most people at work. We're tied at two. I could win this if they'd stop hiring damn straight girls.
i was too drunk before they even got here. i took all their phones instead of keys and hid them in the freezerr...im an awesome party host.
I am playing in the snow in my bunny outfit. GET OVER HERE
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