Hey I found your number in my phone i dont remember how we met this is richard btw
strange i dont have your number must have been a drunk thing
could be more
absolutely not
i just smoke outta the biggest bowl i've ever seen. the kid was totally compensating for a tiny weeenie.
I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
I just had my first experience getting hit on by a guy. It was really awkward, he touched my chest and invited me to a gay bar because "women get drunk and let their guard down at gay bars"
thats actually pretty good logic
I have been sober for so long that I miss hangovers... what is happening to this summer?
You know that joke about taking tylenol pm and jerking off? you don't always win. sometimes you wake up in the morning naked lubed up cock in hand to the realator and would be perspective buyers laughing at you
well I was pissed. first he yelled at me for having my own condoms, then he got mad when they didn't fit him. Dude, I only fuck magnum men.
I just want a whole pitcher of margarita and a headdress from party city and sit around and look like a fucking indian princess.
"Stranger danger aquaman" were the last words i remember. help me.
Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
WHY DID HE INTRODUCE ME TO HIS MOM? CAN'T HE JUST HIDE ME LIKE EVERYONE ELSE I'VE EVER DATED?@!
Just try not to have a boner when you're giving your best man speech, it will really kill the vibe
The coast is clear - also, would it bother you if I chose not to wear pants?
Plus you need some new dick in your life, the environment is fucked enough you don’t have to recycle anymore 😂💀
My roommate just angrily told the cat he should have knocked, but that's not lockdown madness. They're always like that.
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