walked into a party last night, i saw 3 ex gfs standing in a circle talking to each other...that's the quickest u-turn i've ever made in my life.
he yelled 'rock me amadeus!' when he came
i love that song!
NOT THE POINT
why did your cousin post "out tonight" on facebook? doesn't he know it's only 1 in the afternoon?
shhh don't tell him. it's cloudy out and none of his clocks work
just had an awkward elevator run in with that guy you puked on
I'll see ya tonight at your house...and I'm bringing you a special treat that starts with a V and ends with us eventually going to rehab one day.
please visit steve this weekend, he is getting mature and responsible and shit which scares me.
Your 13 year old niece and her best friend half carried you from the beach to the pool where you then clung onto a raft and screamed about having pretty hair.
It took me 3 tries to get up the front steps. They kept me motivated by waving taco bell just out of my reach. Surprisingly effective.
The nausea has returned and I can't handle such things to exit my body so violently
I need a conscience and I need it yesterday.
You told your family you're bi over the phone?!
We were talking about exes and it just came out....and so did I.
They also submitted to my demands for pizza
I’m going to cut back. New Year, New Me
I would never wish less dick on anyone but do what you gotta do
So I'm never gonna get to see you again?
Hopefully.
Wait... where the hell did you even find a live OCTOPUS, let alone green eggs and ham?
Randomize
