Good. I was naked most of the night. But sometimes I would wear my tux vest...But only my tux vest. It was classy
just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
I just found 22 drunken videos and 4 naked pictures on my phone. We'll start the bidding at $5
No, drunk sperm still make babies.
A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
He soundtracked our prebreakup sex, our breakup, and out postbreakup sex. At least he's dedicated.
I'm doing homework tonight but if you end up going out drinking I would like one courtesy peer pressure text.
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
It's Saturday night and I'm sitting on my couch by myself, watching Glee, and drinking gin and tonics. If you listen very closely, you can hear the wails of my mother giving up hope that I will ever give her a son-in-law.
all I know is this drummer better stop eye fucking me while he plays cowbell. it is way too early for that.
Don't remember our skype call last night too well, but did I pee while skyping you?
When he breaks your heart after he reveals he's gay, I'll be there for you. -Love, Dad
its the pipe that keeps on giving. Just when I think it's done, I scrape just enough. It's a st. Patrick's day miracle!
I know we agreed to cock block each other from now on buttt I WANT this one. I have felt his penis, it is godly, and I am going to have it inside of me, so shut the fuck up and leave.
She made kool-aid with tequila instead of water and rolled a blunt about the size of an Oscar Mayer hot dog. Best blind date I've ever had. I think I will love her tell my dieing day!
Randomize
