I wanna be on tlc
Impossible. You are neither fat, fertile or fashionless.
I just read the lonely terrorist on nwa had 40 more friends than me on facebook
He invited you over for Super Sexy Saturday and Cosmos... I'm pretty sure that's gay
who paints a picture of their own dick and sends it to people. i dont know if its borderline crazy or just fucking genius...
I just had to explain to my 62 year old advisor what "tea-bagging" was in the middle of her lecture. I smell extra credit. And maybe a demonstration.
A black suburban rolled up and a scary suited guy got out the passenger side and opened the door for her as she got in. Then drive off. Who did I just fuck?
He came over and said its legs day so put them in the air! Fucked me for 30 minutes and said he had dinner reservations to go to. Well i just ran into him and his friends hammered at Taco Bell
I finally got the glitter off in time to get to the party and bang the bday boy in the bathroom while his girlfriend was lighting the bday cake candles.
I'm pretty sure the Jahovah's witness only came to our door because the front says "Twerk Or Treat"
if elf comes on TV one more time i swear to god i will smash my brains out with this fruitcake
its the pipe that keeps on giving. Just when I think it's done, I scrape just enough. It's a st. Patrick's day miracle!
Having sex with my girlfriend wearing my old Tom Brady jersey on the day he's freed is the closest I'll come to a 3way with Tom
Come get your boyfriend. He is hammered talking to me about hot dogs and casinos.
I drunkenly said, "That's my future father-in-law!" And everyone made an uncomfortable / disgusted face... including the aforementioined future father-in-law. Maybe I should start dating other people.
I may or may not have just had sex in the bed of a pick-up at a drive-in movie theater.
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