I can't get into him, he looks really young. I'd feel like I was blowing the Gerber baby.
Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off
I had to hold off a girl who was trying to check your pulse while you were passed out. She kept screaming that she was a nursing major and needed to make sure you were alive.
Wasn't a date. In exchange for artichoke dip I received a bj. And sex. It was a transaction.
I was pissed last night bc this girl didn't want to have sex but offered to reimburse me for the condoms. That just made me upset
After giving a back rub to someone in the bathroom of the theater, he ripped an "employees must wash hands" sign off the wall to prove that he could and proceeded to hang it up in his house.
Pretty sure that molly fried my sinus infection away; i regret nothing
I felt like in order for him to make it to mordor and destroy the ring, he'd have to make sweet sweet love to me in some form of hut or cave.
He handed me a temporary tattoo and said cover the hickey up with this
If I'm going to risk life and limb to wear a Wings jersey to the Garden next week, the least they can do is win.
And the most would be ending up in bed with one of them.
Let's just say his oral game was lacking. Hell, lacking is too nice of a word to describe it.
In fairness you've introduced me to a lot of people I've only met once, for like 5 seconds, while drunk
You know it's time to call it a night when every guy in the bar (all 3 of them) have seen you naked at one time or another.
I forget how to act sober
Randomize
