no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
it was like she was tryin to eat my face and i was defending myself with my mouth
half the nation just spent an hour watching a balloon fly around. we are officially the dumbest fucking country.
You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
Yep just saw a license plate that read "taint 2" which implies there is a "taint 1". Only in Florida
The vomit I understand but how is there seaweed in my bed?
Thanks for buying me a sippy cup, its so pretty and everyone keeps telling me its probably the best gift anyone could have given me
They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
Masturbated before I came into work and now the finger scanner won't clock me in. Fuck Valentines Day.
My ideal friend would be my dog as a drug dealer
The look of disappointment from my cat while I take nudes...
I legit feel like I had sex with Joey Fatone. Is that weird?
This morning, I found 5 naked people in Steve's bed with post sex hair, and Steve fully clothed sleeping on the ground.
idk what the male equivelent of vajazzling is but it better be worth the time
We are bad people. This is why we are friends. <3
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