pube in her braces AGAIN. barely kept a straight face.
Your TV has the DVD menu for White Chicks permanently burned into the screen. I can't anymore. That's just a whole different level that I cannot comprehend.
he thanks me after handjobs.
you found the perfect man.
Sorry if I put you in that 'glad we're hanging out but I'm gonna go fuck your cousin' kind of position
ps if your frozen peas taste like crotch it's because some dude kicked me in the nuts while trying to do a keg stand and I needed an ice pack
Idk. Im in a bed. the walls are wood. There's a deer mount.. im afraid to turn over and see who's next to me but he's violently cuddly.
Mike is so stoned. I just heard him quietly mutter to himself "rock a piss" as he walked down the hall to the bathroom
All I need right now is some mouthwash, dignity, and security camera footage...
An we can hold bottles of vodka in our hands singing yo ho a pirates life for me
show concern. Mark ate a butterfly and proceeded to drink more shots like nothing happened
As we have told you before, the first rule of hook-up bingo is we don't talk about hook-up bingo
I have to call my new boss to accept the job offer so you have pack the bowl while I pretend I'm a responsible adult THEN we can get high
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
Tell him that his phone is taped to the dog's stomach. Stop trying to call it because it makes him scared.
My boobs weigh the same amount as 25 pancakes
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