i woke up to find out i shared my bed with a full, open can of natty light last night and didnt spill it. then i drank it for breakfast.
He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
She kept saying "I'm going to hell" the entire time we were fucking. I really wasn't sure what to do... so I agreed with her.
That was definitely the right answer.
Hey so summary of last night. I threw up in a rain boot then tipped it over on my bed, did my laundry and passed the fuck out. I feel like I didn't see you.
Remind me tomorrow to take that ball-gag out of my purse.
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
She's cute. And her snoring noises remind me of the incidental music from Jaws.
Yeah when we were together he never sent me dick pics like a normal boyfriend. It was always pizzas. That should've been my sign.
It's gay pride, I'm in my EMT uniform getting more girls than your straight ass ever will..
You either got a dog, or you have a boy over. I can't tell from the noises which it is.
I woke up and found my apartment really clean, appearantly drunk me couldn't tolerate living there anymore and left sober me a lot of insulting post-its...
I'm sober now, I ate a whole cantaloupe.
I cannot, in good conscience, let you talk to a guy who wears Chaps and a knit beanie
God help them if any millennials are in the vicinity. Rent is too high and we no longer fear death
I can't be held responsible for what I do for you after a blowjob like that.
Randomize
