The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
don't worry about the poodle she's always like that. she's like 14 years old and ate a bag of weed when she was a puppy.
Welll when you have a beer at 8:30 am you've already decided whaat kind of Sunday it ism
She got a digital picture frame for her birthday. FINALLY - a place for me to sneak all those penis shots I've taken with my iPhone.
Rule #127: If your going to try fuck a married guy, you gotta be hotter then his wife; diet starts today.
the guy sitting next to me at the bar has a patrick swayze tattoo hovering over a roast beef sandwich. 'merica.
so it turns out the huge bruises on my knees are from drunk bmxing and not getting railed from behind on the ground
and ill have you know that I only wiped out twice
Must say, as a couple, she and I are thrilled that our pretend lesbianism has paid off.
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
Yeah, first date. First take a pic of him to circulate around for your friends and than have him fill out a short penis questionnaire. Seems completely legit to me.
He's interpretive dancing to Crazy by Britney Spears and expressing his feelings for either me or the guy next to us
I just let my boss bend me over his desk and spank me. I think that is some sort of American dream.
Someone who makes you cum so hard that you have an asthma attack is clearly your soulmate
I told him I want him to read me my Miranda rights while he's fucking me. Act exactly like he does while he's on duty except with his dick out.
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