i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
we ate a 40 pack of string cheese and watched an entire washing machine cycle.
Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites
She had a baby and now works at Hooters. She is the poster child for peaking in high school.
Considering the last guy I had sex with was gay, this was a huge improvement.
Just bought a McDouble with a tightly rolled dollar. The lady just gave me a sad face...
I should start handing out wavers before I have sex with someone. 1. Do you have anything to do tomorrow? 2. Are you ok with sleeping 12 hours from exhaustion. 3. Are you ok with a limp?
My mom just sent me this: "I like Jon, but he needs to be the one going down on you! Yeah, we saw your head pop up in your car last night."
She asked me to come on her OkCupid date with her
I'm not sure why, but my salad smells like a Big Mac. Or maybe that's just the smell of yesterday's, seeping through my skin.
HELL YEAH TIME TO KICK THE CHILDREN
This is like 50 shades on steroids but with healthy relationship models and mutual respect among all parties involved and lesbian activity.
So i woke up on a park bench... Using my shoe as a pillow, cuddling a empty handle of vodka... Yet I'm still in my living room. Someone please tell me why all my vodkas gone? I'll deal with the park bench situation at a later time.
Last thing googled on my laptop last night was vagina chaffing. What the fuck?
Randomize
