Almost ran you over in the parking lot. You look good
So do you want to come over? ;)
Never again opening up the Pandora's box of crazy that is your vagina. Sorry.
so...dinner was kid's cuisine and a bottle of wine. i think they go well together.
he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
shes perfect for him. shes never seen a penis so she has nothing to compare his to.
hey watch out, they threw flour on everyone who passed out at their party last year.
Maybe it's the vicodin, but all I wanna do is hunt wild hogs.
Would you have sex with a guy wearing a Batman mask?
It's all hypothetical, I don't have a Batman mask... yet...
The silhouette of his dick looked like an eagle. Amurrican.
LISTEN TO ME! GAY. FIREFIGHTER. They are the most rare and precious kind of gay. The kind little gays dream of. It needs to happen.
You would seriously think I would remember who put themselves in my phone as Burt Rynalds Moustache, but I don't. And I need to be reminded of who you are so I can give you a proper high five.
I lost my voice. So I'm going to pretend I'm Ariel with legs today.
I still hate everything and everyone around me. Krampus taught me nothing.
You just kept yelling "you ain't got no pancake mix." to the tv screen
It's probably not a good thing when it isn't even 6:30 and I've already drank an entire bottle of wine. By myself. I'm watching Spice World and I just bought 2 Spice Girls albums off itunes.
Make that 3 Spice Girls albums.
Randomize
