what i wouldnt give for a night at orourkes without seeing 3+people ive slept with
I'm officially my mother.. Smoking in the garage pretending to take the dog out in a big ugly jacket
It's like God was speaking to me through a penis.
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
we're driving around with this really dirty (unclean and inappropriate) 60 year old ex-san quintin con named old skool d that my brother knows and hes bringing us to get weed. what is montana?
I really want to lead this Amish guy into temptation
Archery is over so let's go back to not giving a fuck for the next 3 years and 11 months
Drunk dialed the ex last nigh; turns out I miss dialed. The stranger who answered played along and apologized for sleeping with my cousin. She sent me a txt this morning to let me know.
Kindest stranger ever. Marry that girl.
i made the walk of shame wearing her booty shorts that said juicy on the back. i'm still counting it as a good night
I mean, you've seen me eat pizza, sober, out of a garbage can, and yet I refuse to go eat at that place. Just sayin....
Everytime I try to keep track of the amount of people I slept with I always forget about that guy I met on the dc metro, where I woke up to him organizing his Special K and Molly and I was covered in sleeping cats.
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
He called my vagina "the man cave", and I found it charming
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
Randomize