If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals.
Hey, I can't get ahold of Tommy. Let him know his ex-girlfriend is pregnant.
all i seem to do anymore is lay around stoned, naked and eating mangoes
I just dropped off shoes at Mike's hotel. The chick he hooked up with last night stole his phone and shoes.
We just ended up getting drunk and doing field sobriety tests on each for practice... No one remembers who passed.
booty call birthday vouchers, best idea ever. it's like giving a present to myself for someone else's birthday.
Anal and Aoki tickets...I'd say I give pretty good Valentines Day gifts.
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
It's all good, I've hated people for lesser reasons than being my ex boyfriend's favorite pro athlete of all time
I bought a mink out of the back of some guy's van on my walk home from the bar yesterday
No. There is no way we have to stoop so low as to ask your dad for weed. There has to be an alternative.
Make sure you wash your hands. That seagull you threw was very sick.
If there's a nuclear war you can come over. I'll feed you soup and you can rig up car batteries to power the coffee pot and toaster. We can grow tomatoes and chickens.
So then edible panties?
Jesus no he likes candy too much, I'd lose a lip
What use have I for dignity? It just get's in the way of the really fun stuff.
Randomize
