I want to take you away to a place of dolphin rides and hot stone massages.
pshh wine cellars. now if he has a tequila cellar whole different story
She was adopted and used to dance at Sapphire. just my speed.
her cat was choking so she kept trying to stick her finger in her cat's mouth while saying "it's okay kitty, just do what mommy does"
We played strip Bananagrams and I won. Thank fuck I read a lot as a child.
I just ate a dove chocolate and the wrapper said "chocolate: always your valentine" WHAT KIND OF JACKASS WRITES THESE AND WHY MUST THEY MOCK ME?
I wish someone would just come knock on my door and fuck me already so that me and my stuffed animals aren't the only ones who see my amazing spring break tan. I'm not getting skin cancer so I can just sit here abstinent.
finding an unopened condom on the ground can really change your outlook on the night
dude there's a blind guy on the trail using his service dog to hit on girls.
Ah. Hot spring. Infinitely less skeevy than a hot tub. These North Carolinian dudes are all class.
That was the night I passed out and someone threw chicken at me. SORRY I wasn't available to cockblock you from that Hispanic dude.
if you want to know how my night is going I just ugly cried in the cheesecake factory
Well he offered to lick my asshole so...I'm not really worried about his interest level.
That was a beautiful concert to sleep through ...
I know - Don't let me take drugs from strangers anymore
I slept like a rock because of your dick. I'll thank him personally later.
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