So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
Wtf. Who made this Big Mac, Helen Keller?
Do you think if Santa was real that he's have a big penis?
Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
Apparently, I woke him up at 4AM, and yelled "you're mad because we don't have sex," while grabbing his dick. Then immediately fell back asleep, dick in hand.
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
I cannot take someone's straight and gay virginity in one threesome. It's just too much responsibility.
So as your former husband, I get to give you away at the wedding right?
I've come to the conclusion that the dicks in Arizona just don't have enough size for me.
Before we rave about the healing powers of your penis, remember it nearly killed me as well.
I wonder if you're allowed to smoke pot at Denver bronco games now...
I think I just got drunk texted by my psychiatrist
Hungover. No words. Just memes.
I'm pretty sure the Bible says "He who is most sober may cast the first stone."
Randomize
