So in our children's lit class, some jackass little boy had gone thru the where's waldo book and circled waldo. I realize you would have been that kid.
my dad is going to jail this weekend
where are we going to get our weed from?
they pretty much knew i was there to get drunk and fuck their daughter
Nothing like buying a handle and a 36 pack with a baby strapped on.
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
He was uncircumcised
It was like inception. A penis within a penis within a penis
Drink a bottle I wine by yourself? Treat yo self
I will be there. invited or not. I go where the pancakes go.
New low: uploading my contacts into Facebook in an attempt to get the name of the girl I brought home last night.
Tell me not to drink and get on ladders. I think I need the reminder.. I'm clumsy enough sober.
I've got a surprise in the fridge when you get back.
Is it a puppy?
I WILL KICK YOU IN THE FUCKING THROAT IF YOU EAT MY FUCKING ICE CREAM.
i told him the only way i'd fuck him was if he saved me during the zombie apocolypse and took me to a tastefully decorated yet impenetrable hideout.
so i went over to her house and we played crash bandicoot, ate calzones, and had sex all day. im in love.
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