I just saw a girl play flip cup with only her tongue
I'm in love
last night i got mauled by 2 gay men who were trying to make each other jealous by making the other think they could swing back- you're going to love atl
He asked for his proof of insurance and he pulled out a Magnum by mistake. All of the sudden gignger was looking real good to me.
I have no idea how to attract men with my personality anymore. He can't see my tits via facebook chat
I just figured out, there are 9 children in this world that I can look at in the face and say "I fucked your mom."
The bottle I was drinking out of splintered on the bottom, there was glass in my hand, I pulled it out with my teeth... Not the best night for Drunk Kevin
Just cause I'm shitfaced wasted every night waking up in random beds all over Manhattan does not mean I'm a mess.
Truth. Respect the hustle.
Wanna hang out? my DILF had to dip out for his sons little league game
I had to physically pry the rocks out of your hands so you wouldn't throw them at the guy with the cowboy hat. You probably would've missed anyways.
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
It's not even close to Halloween but there is a girl in a nurses outfit. Twerk or twat.
In the 2nd smartest move of my day your ringtone for when you call is now the Space Jam theme.
Yup he definitely fell asleep. I'm trying to bone an old man
My cat licked the coke mirror and now is giving me dirty looks. Bet money she has the drip.
yeah, i'm probably gonna die. still gonna be totally worth it tho
Randomize
