A little boy walked by his parents room one night, looked through the keyhole, and said "and that bitch tells me to stop sucking my thumb!"
Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy
Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.
that would combine my 3 fave things. christmas funfetti and paul simon
closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
dude she was givin me head and stops and looks up at me and tells me she loves me, then goes ''alright now cum in my mouth''.... pretty sure shes the one
She just looked down there and said "i breed horses. this is better than anything ive ever seen."
do you know how hard it is to walk a mile drunk on 151 it's hard yards are soft and every girl looks good
You drink it until you puke in a vent one time and it's ruined forever.
We should hook up after this. Laugh or look horrified to say yes.
I was just like oh sorry I'm peeling meanwhile my legs are on either side of his head and I look like a fucking Komodo dragon
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
I just found a weed leaf in my leg hair..
Just got shoved by an Elvis impersonator. Evidently it isn't cool to ask how much of a disappointment they are in the eyes of their parents.
Dude why can't I remember anything after walking in from my first beer bong?
It was immediately followed by your second, third, fourth and fifth
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