Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
I always feel awkward when im sitting at home watching the price is right and the fat contestant get the gym equipment.
I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
I love how you are more concerned with what i call my penis than the fact i wanna bone some high school chicks
My life is a requiem composed in the key of fuck.
I hope you remember pushing the girl off the stage because you said she wasn't good at pole dancing.
And then she banged "the first Italian rapper"
I'm allowed to be upset. I've never had that many fingers in my ass
I don't care if he got kidnapped by a cult one time he is a dick
Either sorry for fondling you Saturday or thank you for letting me fondle you Saturday.
I smell like a skunk, but I'm okay with that.
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
Knows all the good gay bars AND has a dog? Wtf can't I drop pizza on guys like that????
I gave him the white girl "you spilled my psl look" and walked away
I swear to god if you settle for a trump supporting packers fan, I will not acknowledge your children. You're better than that.
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