Dude, she looked like the Canadian Slam Poet, neck hair and all.
and I was crying with the towel lady in the bathroom of the bar about the tragedy in Haiti. Then we hugged before I left and I gave her 10 dollars.
After I saw you grinding on that guy with your shirt completely unbuttoned, I figured it was time for pizza.
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
I stole so many things from the ER last night.
Just think. Tomorrow you'll wake up, shower, and get your brains fucked out. That's your ice cream. Today is your peas and carrots.
I think it was the free bomb shots from the creepy bolivians that sent us over the edge
They usually take it with their boobs. It's like a horizontal motorboat
Its Nebraska, I'm sure im not the first person to wake up hungover in a corn field.
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
Every time you visit for the weekend I end up having to bleach my entire house after.
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with someone crawling around my carpet for 3 hours trying to pick up spilled coke...
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with ME crawling around your carpet for 3 hours trying to save my investment.
Everyone's going out for thirsty Thursday and I'm just like. Cool. Enjoy yourself. I'm gonna eat an entire pizza and watch King of Queens reruns.
I'm going to smell of sex and shame.
How is that different than any other Monday night?
I only spent $42 at the bar last night, it's some sort of miracle.
you do remember it was dollar beer night, right?
That answers my next five questions
Randomize
