I'm like cupid
You're a whore with a bow and arrow
dude, I just walked in on your little brother changing clothes...I'm ashamed to say I noticed, but that kid has as MASSIVE cock...
Yeah...we all know. it's the elephant in the room at family gatherings.
that is a frighteningly accurate metaphor for it.
$5 off purchases of eighths or more today only. Happy tax-free weekend. -Your consumer-minded pot dealer
And by defning the relationship I mean telling him I'm gonna fuck other people but its cool If he does the same.
The random guy I fucked from craigslist said I had the best smile. I take compliments where i can get them
We've cranked the heat for blizzard versions of all of our strip games. Come over.
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
The old guy next door tried to get me to go to his apartment for shots formoonshine. =-0
If that weren't so sketchy I would encourage it
Yeah it was almost as sketchy as a white panel van pulling up offering candy
I CAN ONLY BE THE BIRDIE ON YOUR SHOULDER WHO LEADS YOU INTO BAD DESCISIONS
like I licked Molly off a boys palm last night at a bar I think its ok to eat chicken once a week
Seriously. If I'd known all it took was a 29 year old UPS guy to make me feel THIS SEXY, I'd have been fucking them for 30 years.
I haven't showered. And am sitting in the office smelling like a beer can someone's been using as an ash tray.
I told you that we shouldn't have sex. You said "its okay I already saw you pee" apparently that was convincing
I've decided I will have no shame for the things I don't remember doing.
My theory is if i keep drinking, evolution will kick in and I will grow a bigger, faster, and more improved liver by January.
Randomize
