Sex tip #67: Jizz in the eye is very near the equivalent to pepper spray. Not recommended for pleasure enhancement.
bring money and cleavage
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
yesterday, he said he didn't trust me around his daughter because "if she was wrapped in rolling paper u'd smoke her." yup.
Just hooked up on shake weight girl's dad's porsche. What are YOU doing with your life?
Woke up to pictures of me cooking wings with a blow torch.
When you give the bridesmaid toast someday at my wedding I need you to quote Ricky Bobby in some form. And slip in your sister has the vagina of awesomeness. That is all.
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
Until they make a bed that bathes you in your sleep, I will not be satisfied.
He brought me four big burritos and two joints! He can sleep with his bank teller any time he wants!
Curdled. you forgot that word. It was a curdled buttery nipple shot.
I feel like captain Morgan put his peg leg up my ass
Sarah is throwing up still and I'm eating salad with my fingers
Is it customary to send a 'thank you card'to someone who gave you awesome oral as a gift at your housewarming party?
I just don't understand what you plan on accomplishing there except for losing all vestiges of post-freshman year dignity
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